


A Hunter's Life For Me

by RockyAlex



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Betrayal, Canon-Typical Violence, Conflicted Dean, Dark, Demons, Devious Reader, Drinking, Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, Emotionally Hurt Sam, Emotions, F/M, Hunters & Hunting, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt Sam, Hurt Sam Winchester, Inspired by Music, Motels Won't Cut It Anymore, Motels Won't Cut It Anymore Universe, Music, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pranks, Prankster Sam, Reader-Insert, Vulnerable Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-02-03 11:44:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 30,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12747654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RockyAlex/pseuds/RockyAlex
Summary: Hunting demons, who’da thunk it? But fake FBI, a possessed parent and iron teapots will do that to a girl, and so that’s where I ended up. I’m not on the list of most wanted, by either friends or enemies, but I choose my own life whatever anyone says. I had to break a heart and leave home to do it, but honestly? I wouldn’t change it for anything.





	1. Oh papa, I'm in fear for my life

**Author's Note:**

> I’m back! Took a while for the idea to take shape, but here it is. Hope no one thought I’d end up a one-hit wonder, because I love writing and want to keep at it. Motels was updated very often, but I can’t say the same for this one unfortunately. This one will be a bit different from Motels because it’s in first person POV, but I hope you’ll all like it anyway :)

_Dad,_

_I know that this is the last thing you were expecting, and I know that you must have a lot of questions. I want to try to explain everything to you, but chances are you won’t believe me. To anyone sane enough this story would sound crazy, and the person telling it even more so. Before I begin I want you to know that I am so sorry for what’s happened, what you’re about to find out. It broke me, to do what I did, but please understand that I had to do it._

_Before you start to wonder, I have to tell you that mom and Maria aren’t coming back. They’re gone. There’s no point in looking for them, because you won’t find them. I won’t be coming back either, and this is the last you’ll ever hear from me. I’m making sure I can’t be tracked, I will essentially be dead to the world. Please, don’t go to the police, they won’t be able to help you._

_So, this all started three weeks ago, when two men came knocking on our door…_

 

“Can I help you?” 

“Yes,” one of them said, holding up an FBI badge. Special Agent James Ferguson, yeah right. “We’re here investigating the two murders that happened down the road from here, and were wondering if we could ask some questions.” 

“You mean the demonic killings that the police have no idea how to solve?” 

“Ho- How did you…?” the taller of the two trailed off, not finishing the question. 

“How do I know it was demons, or how do I know _about_ demons?” 

“Both, I guess.” I looked around on the street. The middle aged couple next door was just going out for a walk, so I gestured for the two men to come inside. 

“Get in.” They stepped in and I closed the door behind them. Crossing my arms over my chest I spun around to face them. 

“It’s not important how I know about demons, just know that I do.” The two men looked at each other, shrugged, and then turned back to me. 

“Okay, fair enough,” the shorter one said. 

“Good,” I held out my hand. “Jules Collins.”  
“Dean Winchester,” the short one, Dean, shook my hand, and gestured to the man beside him. “My brother, Sam.” Sam shook my hand. 

“I’d say pleasure to meet you both, but it’s really not, under the circumstances.” 

_I don’t know if you remember exactly, you only met them once, as far as I know. They weren’t FBI, like they made themselves out to be. They were… Hunters. And not the usual deer-hunting kind. They’d come to town because of a local newspaper article that caught their attention. Strange deaths here in town, you remember the first one. It was the old man, Mr. Gulbert, down the street from us. Granted, it could’ve been drawn up to his age, but it, and the one after, was strange enough to draw the Winchesters to us._

I led them into the living room and gestured for them to sit down. They did, if a bit warily, caught off guard by my insight to the situation. 

“Coffee?”

“Yes, please,” they said, in perfect sync. I snorted and walked to the kitchen, the pot having just finished brewing. I poured three cups, not bothering with either milk or sugar. Back in the living room I put the cups on the table and sat down in the armchair across from the Winchesters. 

“So, just to get things out on the table, you’re hunters, right?”

“Yeah.” It was Dean who answered, his brother preferring to silently blow on the coffee before taking a big gulp. “Could you maybe at least tell us how you know about hunters?” 

“… No.”

“Why?” 

“Not relevant. What you two need to know is that the demon doing the killing is about half an hour away from walking through my front door.”

 

_You remember last year, when I was out of the country? I told you I’d be travelling with friends, which in a way was true. But it wasn’t a sudden desire to see the world that had me up and leaving. I was being followed, and I felt like leaving was the only way to keep you, mom and Maria safe. On the road I met some people who could help me, and they told me I had a demon after me. It took some convincing, but eventually I believed them. They killed it, and we parted ways. I didn’t feel safe telling you about it when it happened. After all, I was of age, and could leave if I wanted, and it seemed like the best way._

_Even before the murders here at home started, I knew what was going on. Cliché as it sounds, there’s no easy way to say this. It was a demon who was killing people, and I knew who it was. See, a few weeks ago I noticed something was off about mom._

 

“Wait, what?” 

“I know who the demon is,” I explained. Dean looked downright flabbergasted. 

“ _How?_ ”

“I saw the signs. For example, she’s the biggest tea drinker I’ve ever known and has this teapot made of solid iron. One day she stopped using it, wouldn’t even go near it.”  
“So who is it?” Oh right.

“My mother.” At this both of them just stared at me. “What?” 

“Nothing, just that you’re basically telling us that your mother is the one we have to go after.” I stood up and started pacing the room. It _was_ a big deal. In fact, I hated this whole situation, whether I acted like it or not. Had Dean and Sam not shown up I would’ve had to take care of the demon inside my mom myself. I didn’t know whether to be relieved or angry that I wouldn’t have to do it. I didn’t even know if it was really _my_ place. But it seemed to have landed on my shoulders, since no one else in the family knew about demons, let alone how to destroy one. I knew enough to make it go away, but there was absolutely no guarantee that the demon had preserved my mother’s body. 

“I know I am, but this can’t go on. Two people have died so far, and the rest of my family can’t be on the list of other potential targets. The demon has to go.” I turned I back on them, not wanting them to see my face. Hiding what I felt was something I’d learnt after the first demon incident in my life, but it didn’t mean it always held. 

“Well alright then,” Dean said. I heard them get up from the couch and spun around. 

“What else do you know about this demon?” Sam asked. 

“It’s arrogant, dominant, narcissistic. Not openly, but I noticed. I would’ve chalked it up to good old psychopathy, aside from the fact that it was like a switch flipped and she became a completely different person. I guess demons aren’t always as good at acting as they probably should be, or they just don’t fucking care.”

“Do you know why it stayed here?” 

“What do you mean?” I frowned.

 

_His question caught me by surprise. It hadn’t occurred to me that maybe that wasn’t normal demon behaviour to stay with the family of the host. But this one did. Had it just up and left, none of this would have happened, and right now I wish it had, despite losing mom in the process. If it had, Maria would still be here. What the Winchesters ended up explaining, it crushed me…_

 

“What do you mean they ‘usually’ move on?”

“Demons need a body to be able to operate topside. Without one, they’re a cloud of black smoke. The fact that it stayed here, in your mother, means it’s got business to finish in this town, and we need to know what it is.”  
“What are you…” I trailed off, seeing the answer on their faces. “You’re actually going to torture it? How?” 

“You can find out, if you want,” Dean said, and I looked at him. “But I doubt you do. It’s basically wearing your mother as a suit, which means you’d see…”

“I’d see you torturing my mom. You’re right, I don’t want to see that.” 

“But you’re still letting us do it?” I looked him in the eyes.

“Yes.”

Picking up the mugs from the table I walked back to the kitchen and put them in the sink. Glancing at the clock, I saw my mom- the _demon_ , would be home in about twenty minutes. Sam and Dean were standing in the kitchen doorway when I turned back around. 

“You’ve got twenty minutes until it’s back.” Dean looked at his brother.

“Sam?”

“Right.” Sam left and walked out the front door. 

“Where’s he going?” 

“We need to prepare.”

 

_“Prepare” meant drawing devil’s traps on the floors and ceilings, lining every door and window with salt and blessing gallons of water. They asked to use the basement for the torture. I’d do anything they asked at that point. At the last minute, it occurred to me to ask about mom._

 

“Dean,” I said, grabbing his arm just as he was following Sam into an adjoining room to hide until the demon came through the door. 

“Yeah?”

“Is my mom… Is she going to make it?” He turned to fully face me and looked me right in the eye. 

“I think you know the answer to that, Jules.” I clenched my jaw, waiting for him to say it. He sighed. “If the demon hasn’t already killed her, the torture could.” That was the closest I were going to get, so I let go of his arm. He pushed the door almost closed behind him and Sam, and I went about business as usual. It wasn’t long before I heard my mother’s car in the driveway.

 

_What happened next was gruesome. We hadn’t counted on the demon having the foresight to have brought Maria, and as soon as it stepped through the door it knew something was wrong. The Winchesters actually managed to trap the demon and get it down to the basement. But not before it killed Maria._

_I didn’t follow them down, partly because when the demon realised who had trapped it, there wasn’t even a hint of mom left. Another reason was to keep watch of the house. For all we knew, Dean explained, the demon could have backup in other families. Unlikely, but it could be. I heard it though. I heard the screams, the crashes and… the laughter. The demon was laughing. It loved the idea of it’s “meatsuit’s” daughter hearing everything that happened. All of a sudden the whole house started to shake and rumble. Then everything went quiet._

 

Sam and Dean came up from the basement, hands covered in blood. Sam didn’t look me in the eye, and instead left the house immediately. Dean’s eyes followed his brother until the door slammed behind him. Then he turned to me. I didn’t say anything, just waited for him to say it. 

“Your mom didn’t make it.” I let out a breath I didn’t realise I’d been holding. 

“Was it the demon?” I’d expected him to look away, ashamed, but he didn’t.  
“I don’t know. It wouldn’t talk, at first, and we realised this demon had been around a long time. It was… enjoying itself.” 

“Yeah, I heard…” 

“We did find out one thing though. The demon was after you.” My eyes widened. 

“Why?” 

“No idea.” 

“Oh, great.” I tossed my arms in the air. “What the fuck do I do now? I can’t stay here.”

“Why not? The demon’s dead.” 

“If you honestly think I could keep living here with my dad after all this then you’re damaged beyond imagining.” He didn’t object to that.

 

_The demon was dead, but so were mom and Maria. Sam and Dean were leaving after getting rid of the bodies. The police couldn’t find out what happened, and they were good at covering up what they’d done. However, all this left the problem of what the hell I was going to do next._

_I’m sorry, dad. I couldn’t stay, and I hope you understand why. Twice now demons have come after me, and I can’t let them get to you too. I don’t know if me leaving will keep them away from you, but staying definitely wouldn’t. It’s my fault, what you’re facing now, and I’m so sorry._

_It was the best day of my life when you and mom decided to take me in and adopt me. I couldn’t believe my luck! I’ve loved all three of you since that day, and I’ll never stop. I hope you can forgive me._

_Love,_

_Jules_


	2. Cold as fucking ice

“How are you doing?” Dean asked. 

“Do you honestly want to know?” He seemed to think about it and glanced at his brother.

“Maybe not…” Snort. Of course he didn’t. 

After leaving the house Dean had taken one look at me and my one measly bag and asked where I was going. When I said I had no idea he offered me to tag along until I figured something out. Since my life had reached rock bottom, with no visible way up, I took him up on his offer. Now I was enjoying the most awkward car ride of my life. 

“So is this what you do? Just ride around in your car?”

“While the tension doesn’t always run this high, yeah, basically,” Dean answered. I looked between the brothers.

“What’s with the silence?” 

“Sammy here had a problem with looking into the demon deaths.”

“What problem?” 

“You really wanna do this infront of her?” Sam asked and finally turned his head to look at the two of us. 

“Oh look, he speaks!” Sam’s lips tightened. I leaned back in the seat, trying to become smaller.

“We had no idea what we were getting into, Dean.” 

“And what, we usually do?” 

“We at least try to find out as much as we can!” 

“That demon was killing people, Sam! Fast. And besides, it’s over now.” 

“Yeah, well, we got lucky.” For a second it looked like Dean wanted to argue, but then it was like the air went out of him and he turned his eyes back to the road. While they still seemed nowhere near done arguing, the so-called tension in the car had eased up significantly, and I relaxed a bit.

They hadn’t told me any specific destination they had in mind, and as it didn’t matter to me where I ended up, I sat back and started fiddling with me phone. After a few hours I spoke up. 

“Hey, did you guys bother checking neighbouring towns for similar deaths?” 

“Not this time no,” Sam said, casting a sidelong glance at his brother. “Why?” I leaned over the front seat to show him my phone. It was an article dated about a month back, about deaths in the city just a couple of hours away from where I lived. Sam took the phone and read through the article. There wasn’t much, barely any details, but enough to make it look like demonic signs. Like it could’ve been my demon. 

“What is it?” Dean asked. 

“Murders in the city, about a month ago.”  
“How come we didn’t hear about it?” 

“There’s barely anything there. In bigger cities a murder is more common than in suburbia, this was probably not big enough to get on our radar, or the police held back the story from the media.” Dean frowned. 

“Why did the killings stop?” 

“Well it’s not because they caught the killer,” I said, taking the phone back from Sam. “And the last one happened just before the demon possessed my mom. Could it have been the same one?” No answer.

“How many people died?” Dean asked.

“Five.” Sam and Dean exchanged a look. 

“Ritualistic? It could be a witchy thing, the demon was collecting debts,” Dean suggested, his tone suddenly low. 

“Yeah, but why were the next murders so close to each the first ones? Witches I get, but two covens this close together?” 

“Yeah, I hear ya.” 

“Wait, what about witches?” I asked. It was like they were deliberately keeping me out of the conversation. Dean looked at me in the rearview mirror.

“Hey look, no offence, but you don’t want to get into this, trust me.”  
“Two demons have come after me in less than two years, I’d say I’m already in it.”

“And you don’t want to leave it behind while you have the chance?” 

“How? Can you tell me for sure that another one won’t show up?” He was quiet for a few moments. 

“No. No, I can’t.” 

“But you still want me to try?” 

“I think that if you have the chance, you should take it.” Honestly, I hadn’t thought about it like that until now. In my mind, neither me or anyone around me was safe right now. Not knowing what the two demons had wanted, I had my mind set on more of them coming after me. How could I just go back to normal after that? 

I decided not to answer Dean, but instead leaned back and closed my eyes. We’d been driving for hours now, and afternoon had become night. I was exhausted, and just like that, I fell asleep. 

When I woke up the light outside the car had changed. It was getting brighter, and I could just make out the first rays of sunshine in the east. The car wasn’t moving anymore, so I sat up and looked around. 

“Where’s Dean?” I asked Sam, who was leaning against the door with his eyes closed. 

“Supply run,” he answered, not moving a muscle. The car was parked outside a gas-n-sip, and I could barely make out Dean inside the store. I opened the door and got out. Damn, it felt good to stretch my legs after being in the same awkward position so long. I moved around, trying to get the blood flowing again, and out of nowhere there was loud crash from inside the store. Then a _really_ loud bang. Just as I turned to see what was going on Dean came bursting through the door, hauling ass to the car, the gas-n-sip clerk hot on his heels. 

“Get in the car!” he yelled and threw himself in the driver’s seat. Moving as fast as I could, I practically launched myself back in the car, barely managing to close the door before Dean hit the gas and, tires squealing, raced out of the parking lot. 

“What the hell happened?” Sam asked. He’d jumped to attention at the noises, but hadn’t been able to do anything before Dean got us all out of there.

“Fucking demons!” Dean cursed, and hit the steering wheel. “It didn’t actually do anything until I was at the counter, probably didn’t notice who I was until then.”

“Wait, hold up,” I said, leaning forward. “Why would a demon know who you are?” 

“We have a bit of a reputation.”

“Which means…?”  
“We’ve ganked our fair share of demons in our life, and it’s occasionally made us hell’s most wanted. The rest of the time demons just try to kill us for fun.” 

“Was that meant to be reassuring?” 

“Just telling it like it is, sweetheart.” 

“Uhuh.” 

“So there just happened to be a demon at the gas station we decided to stop at?” Sam asked.

“Hell if I know, Sam,” Dean answered. 

“Why didn’t you kill it? Or at least send it back to hell?” 

“It came at me like a rabid dog, Sam. No time.”  
“What about the knife?” 

“… I thought you had the knife.” 

“I never have the knife.” Dean didn’t say anything. 

“What’s a knife gonna do against a demon?” I asked.

“Special knife, it kills them,” Sam explained.  
“Of course it does.” 

“So where are we going?” 

“Kansas, sweetheart.”

“What’s in Kansas?” 

“Home, for lack of a better word.” Made sense. 

“What’s home for you two?”

“Boy, you sure ask a lot of questions, don’t ya?” 

“Well excuse the fuck out of me for being curious. You know, you could just say you don’t want to talk.” 

“She’s got spunk, I like her,” Dean said to his brother. I huffed a laugh and decided to drop it. When, if, the brothers wanted to get rid of me they could just drop me at a bus station. But I’d given it some thought, and maybe I did want to be in this. I didn’t have anything else to go back to, so why the fuck not? At least until I knew there would be no more demons after me. 

The drive to Kansas took all day, and it was past four in the afternoon when we zipped past the Welcome to Kansas sign. Dean parked by a small shopping area. He turned around.

“Last stop. Where to next?” I looked out the window and saw a small bus station. It would be easy to leave this all behind, find somewhere to live, somewhere to work. Maybe find a nice guy to fall in love with. But it wasn’t what I wanted. I took a deep breath and looked at the Winchesters. That path felt like so much more. There was a reason I hadn’t run screaming when I found out my mother was a demon. There was a reason I didn’t panic when the first demon came after me. Maybe I liked the idea of this life. 

“Where you’re going.” Dean looked shocked. 

“Jules, this isn’t a happy life. You don’t want this.” 

“How would you know, Dean?”  
“Because this has been my whole life! Don’t you think I’d want to settle down, maybe not risk my life every day if I could?” 

“You love this life.”  
“How would you know, Jules?” he fired back. I smirked at him. 

“Because you would’ve done it already.” Dean stuttered and turned to his brother.

“Sam!” 

“What, Dean? It’s not like it’s the first time we’ve taken in a stray.” Goddamn he sounded bitter. Dean tossed his arms in the air, giving up. 

“Fine!” Yay! He turned he key in the ignition and the engine roared back to life. A short while later we were going down a small road, coming up on a tall brick building. At the base of it there was a large door, and a motorcycle parked outside it. It was gorgeous, a blue Harley. 

“Fuck.” Dean said under his breath as Sam tensed up beside him. And just like that, the tension was back. Dean parked the car and turned to his brother. 

“Sam-”

“Shut up, Dean.” Dean actually shut up, and Sam got out of the car, closing the door behind him. Dean’s eyes followed his brother. He looked worried. 

“What’s going on?” I asked. 

“I’ll explain later.” Okay then. I looked out the window, seeing someone come out from behind a group of trees. It was a girl, older than me, and much more rugged looking. Another hunter? She looked wary, like she expected an attack. 

“We should go.” Dean said suddenly, getting out of the car. I followed him, grabbing my bag as I went. Sam and the girl were just looking at each other. 

Dean led me to a smaller door beside the big one. He unlocked it and we went inside. Had it not just been for the weird exchange outside, I would’ve been blown away by the sight that met me. It was a bunker, and it was huge. A big lit up room with a map table, and through a big doorway I could see a room lined with bookshelves. Who the hell were these guys? Dean led me downstairs and was about to say something when I interrupted him

“Who was that?”

“That,” Dean said, a weird look on his face, like he was in pain. “was Y/N.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yeah, I’m going there. This will be a big mix of POV’s :P Also trying to work on longer chapters this time around :)


	3. A little patience would be nice

Sam POV

Sam could fucking believe it. As soon as he heard the door close behind Dean and Jules he let it out. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” His voice was cold, emotionless. As far as he was concerned, that’s what Y/N deserved. She didn’t bat an eye.

“Working.” He let out a loud, very sarcastic laugh. 

“That’s rich!”

“Sam, it’s true. I didn’t come here for help.”  
“Then why are you here? Because I expected to never see you again, as you haven’t bothered to pick up the phone and let us know how you’re doing, not once in an entire year. For all we knew, you were dead.” Her face gave away nothing. 

“I’m here to tell you to back off.” That was unexpected.

“From what?” 

“You were just on a demon case, right?” 

“What’s going on, Y/N? What do you know?”

“All _you_ need to know, Sam, is to leave it alone. This is not for you and Dean.” She turned around and walked toward her bike. No fucking way. Sam followed her and grabbed her arm. And promptly had a gun pressed to his head. Nothing had changed, it seemed. 

“I said, back off.” He was so close to her, felt her body against his, and it brought back memories he’d worked hard to bury. He didn’t doubt that she could hurt him if she wanted to, and tried to stay as still as possible.

“Not until you tell me more.” 

“Well, you’re out of luck.” She let him go and got on her bike. “Seriously, Sam. Leave it alone.” She pulled on her helmet, and before he could even blink she was driving down the road at breakneck speed. Fuck. 

 

 

Jules POV

“Who’s Y/N?” Dean wouldn’t look at me. “Hey, tell me.”

“No offence, Jules, but you have no right to that story.”

“So there is a story?” 

“Just please… Leave it alone.” I sighed, deciding to drop it. For now. 

“What is with you, anyway?” Dean asked.

“What do you mean?” 

“You’re bossy, and demanding. And you didn’t think twice about deciding to come with me and Sam.”

“Still not getting it.” He sighed and turned to walk down a small set of stairs into a hallway.

“Do you ever think that maybe you shouldn’t be so… forward?” Huh.

“Not really.”

“Well think about it.” He led me past several doors before opening one and gesturing inside. 

“Home sweet home, for now.” 

“Thanks.” I walked inside. The room was small, with a slim bed, a closet and a desk. That was it. After tossing my bag on the bed I turned back to the door and found Dean had left. Maybe I wasn’t as welcome as I’d thought. Oh well. 

 

 

Dean POV

She was a piece of work, that’s for sure. At first, it was kind of cleansing. Most people Dean and Sam met were slightly afraid of them, like they oozed danger or something like that. Jules had taken to them right away. Was she somehow seeing past them or did she just lack a self preservation instinct? Because if those question kept up Dean wasn’t sure he could stop himself from shooting her. 

He’d been sad when her mother died. He suspected it was the torture that was the final straw, but he’d been able to tell that the body was quite worn to begin with. The demon hadn’t taken care of it in any way, not that that’s something unexpected for a demon. What _had_ been unexpected was the way Jules just packed up after they got rid of the body. She was ready to leave immediately, after writing her father a letter. When he’d asked about it she’d simply said she couldn’t stay, and that the letter would hopefully explain as much as possible to her father. There had been a moment, just when they came back up from the basement, that it seemed like she would cry, but she held back. Now she seemed downright detached. Was she dealing with this at all? 

Dean was waiting for Sam in the war room. He wasn’t sure exactly what the fallout of Y/N’s surprise visit would be, but he knew it wouldn’t be a good one. After she left it had taken Sam days to say any words at all, weeks before he sounded less robot-like and months before he even cracked a smile. Dean didn’t think his brother had been sad or upset. No, Sam had been angry. During her short time in the bunker Dean had noticed the changes in him, how he’d come to depend on her, and when she left… Sam had fought to keep his anger in check, but sometimes he cracked and whatever was infront of him ended up destroyed. These last few months he seemed to be working past it, but Y/N coming back must have brought up memories that Sam wouldn’t want to deal with. 

Dean looked up when the door to the bunker opened. 

“So?” he asked. Sam walked down the stairs to the table. 

“She wants us to back off the demon thing.”

“Really? That’s all she had to say?” 

“Seems like it.” That bitch. 

“Wait, what demon thing?” Dean asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Jules’s demon. You know that article we read that could have been a sign of more demonic activity? I’m thinking it’s something bigger going on, and Y/N is smack in the middle of it. And she wants us to back off.” Normally, Dean would’ve said something like “like hell we will” and packed them up to go after her, but this time he didn’t know what to do. They weren’t alone anymore, and he wasn’t too sure about what was the right thing. He trusted Y/N’s judgement, but it could also be that it wasn’t all up to her. Talk about a crossroads. 

“What do you want to do?” he asked Sam. Sam looked him in the eye. 

“I think that if we notice signs of demons, we don’t leave it alone.” Dean grinned. 

“Atta boy, Sammy.” 

 

 

Jules POV

I’d been in the room (was it _my_ room?) for hours now, and at this point, I was pretty hungry. Dean’s behaviour earlier made me a bit wary to go poking around the bunker alone, but damn it I needed food. And I needed to know where the bathroom was. I walked out of my room and into the hallway, and ran headfirst into someone really tall. Just before I fell to the floor I felt two strong hands grab my shoulders and hold me upright. Just as soon as I was on my feet again, the hands fell away. 

“Watch where you’re going,” a gruff voice told you.

“Hey, Sam?” you said as he walked away. He turned around. 

“What?” 

“Just wondering where the bathroom and kitchen are.” 

“Bathroom is down the hall to the left, first door on your right, kitchen is the opposite end of the hallway.” He’d turned back around and started to walk away as he talked. I huffed, straightened up, and went to the bathroom first. Sam was kind of a dick. I mean, I get that seeing Y/N must have thrown him off a bit… Actually no, I didn’t get it, because Dean wouldn’t tell me about her. No, Sam was just being downright rude. 

The bathroom was nice, if sparse, equipped with a shower, sink and toilet. Shower first, then food. And then sleep. Post shower and a change of clothes I walked out and headed to the kitchen, and found Dean at the table, tablet infront of him and a beer in hand. He looked up when I walked in. 

“Is there any food I could have?” I asked. He gestured to the fridge in the corner. 

“Help yourself, sweetheart.” I gave him a nod and tried not to dive toward the fridge. I opened it and found that the food they had occupied exactly one shelf.

“Help myself to what, exactly?” 

“There’s stuff to make a sandwich, enjoy.” How generous. 

“What’s your problem?” I asked and turned around. He looked up from the tablet.

“Excuse me?” 

“You and Sam, behaving like total dickbags. If you didn’t want me here, you could’ve forced me out of the car at the bus station. Hell, you could’ve just not offered me a ride in the first place. But you did, so here I am.” Dean stood up and walked toward you, stopping just a few inches away. He was looking down at you, holding your gaze. His whole demeanour had changed, now bordering on scary.

“Sweetheart, my list of problems and things to do is as long as a crossroads contract, and my attitude toward someone I don’t know living in my home is not high on that list. We took you in, gave you a room, I’m sure Sam told you were the bathroom is, and now I’ve offered you food. And you find something to complain about. So yeah, sure, _we_ are the dickbags.” So close, he was so close I could feel the heat coming off of him. Wait, is that what he thought of me? I took a moment to think back on my actions, and maybe they hadn’t been as obvious or easy as I thought. I _had_ invited myself into their home, and I _was_ forward when I asked questions all the time. 

“Not gonna say anything?” Dean asked, breaking the silence. I swallowed, trying to get words out. “Oh look, she _can_ shut up.” Dean turned back around and sat at the table. I wanted to leave now. Not just the kitchen, but the bunker. But I couldn’t. I didn’t have a car, or any idea where to go. So instead I stood my ground. Dickbag or not, I wanted answers.

“Who’s Y/N?” 

“I told you to leave it alone.” 

“And you said it yourself, I’m forward and demanding. And I’m pretty sure Sam’s currently shitty mood has everything to do with her showing up, not that he was a ray of sunshine before. So, who’s Y/N?” Dean gave you a long, scrutinising look, and took a swig from the bottle of beer on the table.

“Her full name,” he began. “Is Y/N Ritchie.” 

“Ritchie? As in the swedish corporate family Ritchie? The one that crashed and burned about a year ago?” 

“The one and only.” 

“Hold on, I thought Y/N Ritchie was dead, as in died more than three years ago.” 

“So did we. Until we crashed into her in a motel parking lot. She told us her name, and we knew we were about to go hit a shit storm. She’d left her home after her sister died and her parents declared her dead as well, and travelled the states for a while. She settled down and started working at a motel. Turns out, her boss was a…” He stopped talking, getting a look on his face that said the wheels were turning. He shook his head and picked up the story again. 

“Turns out her boss was a demon. It found out mine and Sam’s real name and attacked her. We killed the demon and took her with us. She knew it wasn’t all because of the demon. It was because of who she was. Her name made her a target. We took her back to the bunker and thought she’d be safe. Then she got a phone call from someone she’d known a while back while she was travelling. The call was from Mica, who gave Y/N the message that her family was coming for her, and had Mica in their sights. Mica was living in Texas at the time, so Y/N convinced us to go. We… We didn’t make it in time. Mica was shot right infront of Y/N. Back at the bunker we tried to figure out what the hell Y/N’s family was up to, and eventually we did. Then me and Sam got a call from another hunter about a job not far from the bunker. No one else was around to deal with it, and we’d hit too may dead ends to not take the job. Y/N stayed behind, which turned out to be a big mistake. Her father contacted her. By threatening me and Sam he got her to do exactly what he wanted.” I held up my hand, interrupting him.

“No offence, but why would she do that? She hadn’t known you very long.” 

“At that point Y/N had lost everyone in her life. During her time here she and Sam became very close, and it broke him when she left to go to her family. When we found her, after more than two weeks, her dad was using her to resurrect and ancient goddess in some vain hope of a perfect world. It was killing her. The only way to stop him was to kill him.”  
“I still don’t get why she left again.” 

“Her family’s organisation dealt in more than what the human world knew. Her father made deals and trades with monsters, on a big scale. After his death, Y/N wanted to make sure the business stayed dead with him. So she left, and we didn’t hear from her again until today.” 

Okay, now I understood. Wow… She must really have left a mark on them. This also kinda explained why they weren’t all that open to me. Repeated cycle maybe? Whatever the case, I was glad he told me. 

“Thank you for telling me.” His lips twitched. 

“You didn’t seem to wanna give me a choice, sweetheart.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’m sitting here trying to be a literary mastermind, wearing a new bra which makes me feel kinda sexy, because who doesn’t dream of having their new nice clothes taken off by a Winchester, when mom asks me to empty the dishwasher. Like, mom, you are interrupting genius. I should just have a Dr. Badass sign on my door and not answer to anything else…   
> I want to go ahead and let you all know that I don’t know how much of motels reader is gonna show herself… There might be some reader and Sam time, but the main character is still Jules. But who knows? I might feel inspired one day :P


	4. Not the Titanic song

Jules POV

Half an hour, that’s how long it took me to work up the nerve to keep asking Dean questions. The brother’s were up to something, I knew they were. Surprisingly enough, Dean had stayed in the kitchen with me while I ate my sandwich. Maybe he didn’t want to leave me alone in the bunker to wander freely, finding things I probably shouldn’t be finding. Damn, now I wanted to snoop.

“Why was Y/N even here? I thought she’d left for good.” Dean gave me a look. “Hey, I invaded your home because I think there’s more going on than you’re telling me. Now, I want to know what you know, and I have a feeling it has something to do with Y/N. So what did she say?” 

“She told us to stay out of the demon thing.” 

“The demon thing?” 

“Apparently your demon, the other five deaths and maybe even the one at the gas-n-sip, are just the tip of the iceberg.”

“So are you going to? Stay out of it, I mean.”

“Hell no.” 

“Okay, good. Because I want in.”

“Not happening.”

“Were you not listening? I’m here for a reason, and this is it.”

“You don’t have any experience whatsoever.”

“Two demons, just saying.” He threw his hands in the air, rolling his eyes.

“It wasn’t even you who killed them!”

“Touché. But I want to learn.” 

“You’re gonna get yourself killed.” 

“And please make it a nice funeral. No roses.” I leaned over the table, sarcasm gone. “Seriously, Dean, I want to do this. I left my home and my dad because of this. I lost my mom and sister to the last demon. Do you not think I’d have wanted to be the one to kill it or send it back to hell? Because I did, so badly. But I couldn’t, because it was my mom. I was selfish and asked you and Sam to do it. Had it been anyone else I would’ve done it, but I couldn’t even watch you torture it.” Dean leaned his arms on the table, looking me right in the eye.

“You haven’t cried. You’ve acted like this was all some walk in the park, but you just said it yourself; your mom and sister died. How are you holding it together?” I held his gaze, trying to find an answer that wouldn’t sound… well, fucking crazy. No luck. I tried to make words come out of my mouth, but they just wouldn’t do it.

“I… I don’t…” Mom and Maria were dead… What had I… And dad, I’d left him with just a shitty ass letter to explain what I’d done. No. No, no, no. It wasn’t fair, I was selfish, and it wasn’t fair to him, not at all. My heart started to hammer away in my chest and there was a tight feeling growing in by body, and suddenly I had no idea where to go, just away from here, away from Dean’s eyes staring holes in my head. I flew up from my seat, stumbling backwards and tripping over the legs of the chair, which of course had fallen over. I went down, seeing the hard stone floor coming up fast. A flash of pain and then darkness. 

 

“Jules…” A mumbling voice, like it was far away. Then, “Jules!” I opened my eyes and saw Dean standing over me with his hands on my shoulders and a genuinely worried look on his face. It all came back in a rush, the fall, the realisation of…

“Oh god, they’re dead!” The tears and sobs came like a flash, and I tried my best to wriggle away from Dean, to hide. He let go and I scrambled to the wall, leaning against it. I gripped my hair, pulling it tight as it all washed over me. I would never see my family again, how the fuck had that little fact escaped my notice? Was I that callous and insensitive? I was breathing hard and couldn’t get my thoughts under control.

“Jules.” Dean’s voice almost broke through the waves of emotion that were crashing over me like tsunamis. “Look at me.” His voice was firmer this time and I twitched, looking up from the floor and let my eyes meet his. 

“What?” I asked in a cracked, desperate voice. Did he think he could fix this? How? I was the one who had done wrong here, and I was way past the point of fixing anything. Suddenly there were footsteps in the corridor outside the kitchen, and Sam’s voice coming from the door. 

“What’s going on?” Dean didn’t look away from you for a moment. 

“Sam, leave.”

“Dean-”

“I said leave, Sam. Now.” I didn’t see Sam, so I didn’t know if he actually did as his brother said. 

“Jules, you need to calm down,” Dean said. 

“How?” I asked. “Do you know what I’ve done? Do you realise what I’ve just left behind?”

“Yes, I do. Because I’ve done it countless times.” 

“How did I not realise… All I cared about…” 

“You ran. It’s what I would’ve done.” 

“Really?” 

“Yes.” It didn’t make me feel any better, not at all. Dean said he understood. I was losing my mind, but he understood. That was good, right? 

The talking had calmed me down, so I let go of the death grip I had on my hair and let my arms fall to my sides. The tears were drying up on my cheeks as I looked around the kitchen. “Do you have any booze?” Dean smiled and held out his hand. 

“Come with me, sweetheart.” 

 

 

Dean POV

“What did you _do_ to her?” Sam asked. 

“I swear, she did this to herself, Sammy.” Sam tilted his head, critically eyeing the girl passed out, ass in the air, on the map table. One of her shoes had ended up on her hand, and her bra was hanging out of her left sleeve. 

“Okay, let me rephrase,” he said, walking around the table. “What happened to make her do this?” 

“She was trying to convince me to let her in on hunting demons, and she brought up her family. It’s been weird, how she’s just acted like what happened to them is nothing. So I called her out on it, and it was like a bomb dropped. She flipped out and fell over the chair, knocking herself out. Only for about a minute, and when she woke up she started crying. That’s when you came in.” 

“Yeah, about that, why’d you tell me to leave?” Dean looked at Sam, eyebrow raised. 

“You’ve been kind of a dick to her, in case you hadn’t noticed.” 

“Hey-” 

“I’m just saying, she didn’t need you in there. Anyway, she calmed down as we talked, and then she asked if I had booze. I had no idea it would lead to this.” Dean had gotten wary when after just one drink Jules found a way to put on music, even more so when after three drinks she started singing along and dancing. It was a relief when she passed out. She hadn’t talked one bit, just downed drink after drink. 

“Well… Should we move her?” Sam asked. He didn’t seem to keen on the idea, and Dean himself would’ve happily left her right there, except for the fact that she was lying on the map table. Dean did not want to clean up after her if she woke up in a bad way. He looked at her face and noticed that she really was young. She looked… kind of innocent.

“I got her,” he said and gently moved her around so he could pick her up without waking her. He didn’t see the frown Sam threw his way, his attention on Jules as he moved out of the war room and into the hallway leading to the bedrooms.

 

 

Jules POV

And this was the reason I didn’t do a lot of drinking. Death was coming to claim me, I was sure of it. My head felt like it was going to explode, and my stomach was revolting in a glorious way. Getting up was the last thing I wanted to do, but I’d be damned if I threw up on the floor. That’s not very guest like behaviour. Despite the bathroom not being far from my room, it felt like it took forever to reach the promised land of a porcelain bowl to save me. I made it, and sagged against the toilet, sweat forming on my face as I heaved and emptied my stomach. When there seemed like there was nothing left to come up I fell to the floor in a heap. 

It wasn’t until the door opened that I realised I’d fallen asleep in the bathroom. I looked up and saw Dean standing in the doorway. 

“Wow.” His eyebrows flew to his hairline. “You didn’t even drink _that_ much.”

“Please, stop shouting…” I whispered. His voice was like shards in my brain, meaning not at all welcome. He laughed, I winced. 

“I actually came to tell you that me and Sam talked it over, and okay.”

“Okay, what?” 

“Okay, you’re in. We’ll look into the demon thing together. As long as you promise to keep out of harms way. We’d like to avoid any damsel-in-distress-type situations.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” I said and managed to pull myself into a sitting position. Something was flopping out of my left sleeve. What the-… I looked at Dean, trepidation slowly filling me.

“What happened?” I asked, fear coming through in my voice. How fucking drunk had I been? 

“Well… There was music, dancing…” I groaned.

“Fantastic.” 

“…and then you passed out on the map table.” I groaned louder.

“So what happens now?” I asked when the mortification, and Dean’s laughter, had died down somewhat.  
“We’re leaving in about an hour.” 

“And going where?” 

“We found more signs of demonic activity around your home, so we’re going back.” Great. One hour to make myself useful again. I tried my best to stand up from the floor, and promptly fell back down. 

“You don’t drink much, do you?” Dean asked, teasing tone in his voice.

“Gee, Einstein, what gave you that idea?” He laughed again and finally left me alone. Getting back to my room was much harder than it necessarily had to be. I stumbled through the door and went to my bag to find fresh clothes. Bending down I got a whiff of myself and almost wanted to throw up again. I needed a shower. 

I actually pulled off getting ready in time and met the brothers in the library. 

“She lives!” Dean exclaimed. Loudly. Oh that dick is asking for it. 

One bird and two insults later we headed outside and got in the car. My headache had calmed down a little, but I still felt like complete and utter shit. The only good thing I found in this situation was that I’d be able to relax and maybe get some more sleep in the car, since getting back home would take at least a day. Sam and Dean got in the car. As soon as we were on the road Dean did something that made me contemplate throwing up in his backseat. 

“Dude, turn the music down!” 

“Driver picks the music, Jules.” 

“And the very hungover passenger decides the volume, unless you want to spend hours scrubbing these nice leather seats.” I saw the flash of panic on his face before his hand flew to the volume dial and turned it down until it was barely on at all. Sam turned in his seat and looked at me with a grin. 

“You are my hero, Jules.” That was a change, but a very welcome one. I smiled and leaned back against the door.

“Anytime, Sam.” 

I didn’t exactly sleep during the drive, but instead sort of floated on the edge of consciousness. We stopped at a gas station to refuel and Dean went into the store to get something he probably considered food. Time for payback. I sat up and leaned over the seat, fiddling with the stereo. 

“Quick, what’s the worst music you have?” Sam gave you an odd look, before it dawned on him and he grinned. He dug around in the glove compartment and eventually pulled out a treasure. 

“This is perfect.” I felt the evil grin spread across my face. Sam turned his eyes to the store. 

“Quick, get down!” he said and I dropped back in the seat and pretended to still be not-sleeping. I heard Dean open the door and get in. There was some rustling, like plastic bags. 

“Dude, did you get _anything_ that’s not junk food?” 

“Man food, Sammy.” Sam snorted a laugh. Then I heard the keys jingle and stuck my fingers in my ears. Dean started the engine. 

 

_“THERE WERE NIGHTS WHEN THE WIND WAS SO COOOOLD!!!”_

 

The music blasted from the speakers. 

“Son of a bitch!” Dean yelled and turned off the stereo. A bubbling laugh burst from my mouth, Sam joining in. 

“I thought you two didn’t like each other!” Dean said, sounding accusing, like we’d betrayed him. 

“I don’t know what you did to Sam, but he was all too willing to help me,” I said as I sat back up again. Dean narrowed his eyes and I sensed retaliation was just over the hill. Bring it, big boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my dad has this thing where he jokingly says “oh you’re free today, huh?” on the weekdays I’m not working. He thinks he’s funny. I point out that I’m working the whole weekend. My dad is not funny. Mostly. Okay, sometimes he’s funny. In a dad sorta way. I’ve asked him where he keeps his copy of Dad Jokes 101, but he won’t tell me. I know he has it somewhere…. 
> 
> As I'm posting my fics on Tumblr as well as here, I get amazing response on two ends, and last chapter I talked to one of my reader over on tumblr about Jules' development as a character, and how she, at this point, is kind of young and annoying, which is why Dean is kind of mean to her. I hope I'm writing her well and stay within her personality.
> 
> You guys are awesome! Please drop a review if you have any thoughts :D


	5. Good deal, bad deal, no deal

Jules POV

“I don’t get it, why can’t I go with you?”

“Because you could pass for a sixteen year old, and sixteen year olds don’t usually carry a badge.” 

“I could just wait outside.” 

“Look, Jules, we agreed to let you come here with us, but you agreed back in the bunker to stay out of harms way. In my book, that means staying here until we come back. We’ll even bring you ice cream.” 

“You’re a dick, Dean.” 

“Don’t I know it, sweetheart.” I sighed and flopped down on one of the beds.   
“We’ll be back in a couple of hours, call if something happens,” Sam said as they headed out the door, dressed in cheap suits and long coats. I rolled my eyes. It was a miracle that cops didn’t see right through their little FBI act. 

 

I lasted about forty three minutes before I gave up and headed out the door. During the car ride here I’d done some reading to find the demonic signs Dean had been talking about. I read about the girl who’d been killed, looked her up on social media to see what kind of person she was, and tried to find what it was that made her special enough for the demons to kill. I’d also gone further back to find out more information about the other murders. Sam and Dean hadn’t been too keen on sharing what they knew, so I had to find out for myself. Kelly Stewart was a straight A student, complete with being cheerleader captain, dating the sweet and popular quarterback. On top of that, she also happened to be the preacher’s daughter, meaning the most perfect girl you could ever find. Along with that steaming pile of information, I’d also found her address. Time to dig. 

 

Her house wasn’t far, a mere fifteen minute walk from the motel. During the walk I tried to think of a backstory to feed her parents. Maybe I was the wallflower friend no one knew she had. Her other friends thought I was a charity case, and so the friendship was kept on the dl, which was why her parents didn’t know me. Yeah, that’d work. 

 

Just as I turned the corner onto her street I spotted the butt of a familiar car. Fuck! Looking around, I spotted some bushes not far away. I dove in headfirst, scratching up my arms and undoubtedly messing up my hair. Worth it. I peeked between the leaves just in time to see Sam and Dean come out of the house. I dropped the branch and cowered down, hoping they wouldn’t spot me. I waited, and then heard the car doors open and close. But no engine. I hesitated, but then carefully looked out toward the car. Still there, but… 

 

“Aahh!” I was pulled out of the bushes by the back of my jacket. When the shock wore off I looked up and saw Sam staring disapprovingly at me. “Awesome.” 

“What the hell are you doing here?” I heard Dean ask behind me, still holding onto my jacket. 

“Taking in the sights.” He dropped me back on the ground and spun me on the spot. He looked pissed.

“I thought we told you to stay at the motel.” Not a question.

“Yeah, you did.”  
“Okay, so I’ll ask again, what the hell are you doing here?” Okay, enough. 

“Where the hell do you get off thinking you can just suddenly boss me around however you want?” 

“Look, you might not get this, but what we’re doing? It’s not a hobby. This is our job.” He gestured to himself and Sam. “And we do it best when we don’t have to worry about keeping an inexperienced, naive little girl from getting hurt.”

“Who says I’ll get hurt?” 

“What he’s saying,” Sam interrupted, and I turned to him. “Is that our job is easier when no one else is around to get in the way, which you would.” Punch in the gut, is what that was. Don’t back down. 

“Yeah, I most definitely will if I never learn. I’m choosing this! I don’t want to run for my life, I want to learn to fight, but you’re refusing to teach me!”

“Why can’t you understand that this ain’t something any sane person would choose? Hunters don’t live glamorously, we die young and don’t get to have a life outside the job. So _why_ would you choose this?” 

“Because I _want_ to.” Dean’s face went blank. 

“I give up.” He tossed his hands in the air and turned, walking back to the car. I looked at Sam, who had a deep frown on his face. 

“Let’s go,” he said. 

 

Back at the motel I half expected Dean to cuff me to the bed before they left again, but all he did was give a look and a warning. 

“Don’t leave the room again, or I swear I’ll shoot you in the foot.” Okay, maybe more of a threat than a warning. 

“Yes sir, asshole, sir,” I said and gave him a salute. Blank look, clenched fists, a strained “let’s go” and a door slamming behind them. That went well. 

 

That’s how my hours of solitude and boredom started. I flipped channels, took a shower, tried to braid my hair and failed, and built a blanket fort with the two chairs and the table by the window. I was _really_ bored, since I hadn’t brought any books from the bunker. Five hours in I was standing on the table, a sheet tied around my shoulders and quoting batman, when the door banged open, so hard that it splintered and stuck to the wall behind it. I froze on the table as two men came through the door. 

 

“Well, looky here,” one of them said, his eyes flashing black. “We got ourselves a little present from the Winchesters. All wrapped up too.” They dove for the table and I fell backwards, landing hard but managing to not hit my head. They moved around and tried to grab me. I lashed out with my arms and legs, trying to keep them away from me. It wasn’t nearly enough. One of them got ahold of the sheet-cape and pulled, making it tighten around my throat. My hands flew to the knot, but the pull had made the it impossible to loosen. Black spots appeared in my vision as I gasped for breath. I kicked feebly at the demon trying to hold my legs down. 

“Careful, don’t kill her,” he said.

“I know,” the one strangling me growled. Darkness overtook me and my hands fell from my neck. 

 

 

Reader POV

Oh for fucks sake!

“I thought I told you to stay away,” you said in a low voice to the brothers, who had just showed up at the latest crime scene, dressed up in their fed suits. 

“That you did, Dorothy,” Dean said. “But you see, your reluctance to share made us curious, and we just had to know what was going on.” He was angry. You rolled your eyes. 

“There’s nothing new to go on here, it’s exactly the same as the others.”

“Mind if we check ourselves?” 

“Not at all,” you said, giving him a tight smile. You dropped it when you looked at Sam. He wouldn’t meet your eyes. Seeing him again had hurt you, a lot. It was like a knife in your chest, twisting more and more when you saw how angry he was outside the bunker. Now he wouldn’t even acknowledge you being there. 

 

Dean was bent over the body, but seemed to come up empty. He stood back up.

“Happy?” you asked.

“Like you wouldn’t believe.” Dickhead. The three of you walked away from the body, making your excuses to the police, and headed back to where you’d parked. 

“So what now?” you asked. You’d stopped just by the Winchesters’ car and Dean was digging in his pocket for the keys. You had to admit, you’d really missed that car. At your question Sam snorted and turned his back to you, walking away. You looked at Dean, eyebrow raised.

“What were you expecting, Y/N? That he’d just be okay when you left?” You crossed your arms over your chest and looked at the ground. 

“You have no idea, Dean, no idea what happened after I left.”  
“You know what? I wanted to say the exact same thing to you.” You looked up at him, eyes almost watering, but you held back. Not the time. 

“There’s a reason I asked you to stay away.” 

“What, you’re doing the solo thing now? I thought you were going after your family, Y/N, what the hell is this?” 

“Do you want me to explain or not?” Dean’s eyes hardened and he seemed to be holding back a big explosion. You were definitely not on his good side at the moment.

“Go ahead.” You took a deep breath and leaned against your baby, looking at the ground. 

“I did go after them. Turns out it was a good thing I did, because daddy dearest apparently put up safety measures in case he died. I found all the key parties involved in keeping the business alive. They’re all dead now.”

“You killed them?” he asked, disbelief in his voice. You took a deep breath.

“They’re dead.” 

“… You told us this was something you had to do yourself.” 

“And I did.” Your tone was firm, ending any further questions. You couldn’t explain exactly how they died. It made you sick.

 

“We were expecting, well, hoping, that you’d come back,” Dean said in a low voice. You looked up. 

“I couldn’t.” 

“Too busy hunting demons?” 

“Something like that.” 

“Something?” He asked, obviously waiting for a better reason. You pushed off of the bike, standing straight. 

“I know you know there’s something big going on, but you also need to understand that I can’t tell you anything.” 

“Why not? We can help.” 

“I’m not so sure you can, Dean. Not this time.” Having nothing more to say, you straddled you baby and grabbed you helmet off the handlebar. You looked back at Dean. 

“I’ll ask you one last time, back off.” You pulled on the helmet finally letting the tears spill over. You started the engine and sped down the street. Your chest felt like it was going to explode. You wanted nothing more than to run into Sam’s arms, tell them both everything and apologise until you lost your voice. But you couldn’t. You’d made a deal, and you _had_ to keep it. If you didn’t, Sam and Dean were fair game. 

 

 

Dean POV

Just as Y/N drove away Dean’s phone started ringing in his pocket. He pulled it out and answered when he saw Sam’s name.

“Sammy, whe-”

“Dean, get back to the motel, _now_.” Sam’s tone was short, telling Dean all he had to know. Something was wrong, very wrong. He got in the car and drove way too fast to get back. After running two red lights and parking like an ass outside the motel, he ran to their room. Sam was standing in the doorway, and Dean noticed the door itself was smashed into the wall, cracked, like it had been brutally forced open. He stopped right behind his brother, looking into the room and seeing chaos. The table and chairs were knocked over and there were sheets on the floor. But the most glaring thing…

“Jules is gone,” Dean said, stating the fucking obvious. 

“There’s no way she could’ve done that to the door, someone took her,” Sam muttered. Dean punched the wall. 

“Son of a bitch…” He didn’t catch the look Sam shot him, one that seriously questioned Dean’s level of concern for Jules. Dean couldn’t think beyond the anger her felt at the realisation that Jules hadn’t been safe at the motel at all, because they hadn’t been with her. She’d been right, they’d refused to teach her in any way, and she’d been left with nothing but a crappy motel room door to protect her. 

“We’ll find her,” Sam said, trying to calm his brother. Dean looked at Sam. 

“I know we will.” His tone tried to brush off his earlier outburst. He didn’t want Sam to realise just how much Jules had come to affect him. He walked into the room, turning his back to the door and hiding his face from his brother. 

 

 

Jules POV

I was woken up by a cold splash in my face. What the-… What happened? Coughing up the water I’d accidentally inhaled by the brutish wake-up I tried to get a sense of my surroundings. It was dark around me, quiet. I tried to move and realised I was tied to a chair, hands behind my back. Looking up and around I saw I was in a small room, no windows and only one door. Aside from a small lamp hanging from the ceiling and the chair I was sitting on the room was bare. Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked to the side. It was a man. No, I corrected myself, seeing his eyes. Not a man. 

 

“Good morning, sunshine.” The demon walked around the chair so we were face to face. I didn’t answer, just tried to stay calm in the face of almost certain death. This was not what I had in mind when I said I wanted to hunt demons. I wanted nothing more than to curl into a ball and wait for Dean and Sam to burst through the door. The fear was fighting to cripple me, render me useless. But I couldn’t do that, couldn’t let it, not now. My life was on the line, and I just _knew_ that the demon would love it if I, for example, started crying. I was _not_ going to cry.

 

He saw the defiance in my eyes and smirked. 

“You don’t have to worry, darling, I’m under strict orders not to hurt you. Well, not too much anyway.”

“And why’s that?” I asked, glad that my voice held steady. Not so glad when his eyes flashed black and he surged forward, leaning over me. His face was close enough for me to feel his breath on my face. Suddenly there was a knife in his hand. He held it up to my face, letting the tip drag across my cheek. 

“Listen here, little girl,” he said, and I could hear the edge of craziness in his voice. “I’m going to ask you one simple question, and you’re going to answer it. I know you can guess what happens if you don’t.” He moved his face into my hair, taking a deep sniff. He shivered in what could only be described as pleasure. “I can smell the fear on you, not matter how much you try to hide it.” His face moved away from my neck and he looked me in the eye. “Now, tell me, why are Sam and Dean Winchester in town?” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was difficult to finish. I kept getting distracted by wait for it………… tumblr. I just clicked around, looking at posts, listening to music, eating a brownie and then all of a sudden it’s fucking midnight and I’m still proofreading.


	6. It would be easier to walk on water, than to win this fight tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this chapter I urge you to listen to Berlin, by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, HAPPINESS, by NEEDTOBREATHE, Libella Swing, by Parov Stelar, and Walk On Water, by Thirty Seconds To Mars. In that order. Just trust me.

I was vaguely aware of something making a sound somewhere around me. Unconsciousness was still pulling on my mind, and oh boy, I really wanted to just let it suck me down again. I didn’t want to live through another second of this. I’d held on for… wait, how much time had passed? The thought that several days had passed and I was still in the dingy little room made a panic rise in me, which was enough to pull me the rest of the way up. That’s when I realised that the sound I heard was coming from me. I was… what the hell? I was laughing? I opened my eyes and saw the demon infront of me, and suddenly remembered what I’d thought was so funny before he clocked me over the head. I took a rustling breath, feeling blood trickle down my throat.

 

“I thought you demons had more to offer. Or are you just not happy to see me?” A flash of movement and the wind was knocked out of me. I bent over, coughing, wanting to throw up from the pain of the fist hitting me in the stomach. 

“What makes you think I haven’t been holding back?” I looked back up, meeting his eyes, a mad grin stretching my face.  
“Because you would have done much worse by now.” 

 

Sam POV

Dean didn’t realise it himself, but Sam saw that Jules getting taken was really getting to his brother. One might even say he was slowly going crazy. After two whole weeks of searching they had come up with absolutely nothing. They knew it had to be demons, because of the case they’d been working on. Y/N hadn’t been able to help, setting off a big fight between her and Dean. She wasn’t telling them anything knew, and it infuriated both Sam and Dean. They’d even gone so far as to summon and trap Crowley, something that had become decidedly more difficult over the years. 

 

_“Hello, boys. What can I do for you today?”_

_“Where is she, Crowley?” Dean skipped right past the small talk._

_“Where’s… who?”_

_“Don’t act like you don’t know who we’re talking about.” Dean’s hand twitched, wanting desperately to shoot the snarky demon out of pure spite. The older Winchester had gotten edgy and more trigger happy after about three days of looking for Jules._

_“I’m afraid you for once have me at a disadvantage.” Crowley looked at the two brothers. “Well, if that’s all, would you be so kind as to let me out?” He gestured to the devil’s trap under his feet. “We all know the alternative would get terribly messy.” Dean went to throw himself at Crowley, probably to strangle the smug asshole, but Sam caught him, knowing it would do them absolutely no good._

_“Look, we know demons took her, alright?” Sam was still holding onto Dean, not trusting that he wouldn’t go after Crowley again. “And you know everything the demons do. So where is she?” Crowley smirked._

_“As riveting and amusing this conversation is, I have better things to do. So what’s it going to be? Will you let me out or will I have to do it myself?” Sam felt the hope slowly leave his body. Crowley was right, they couldn’t hold him indefinitely, he was going to get out, one way or another. going against every fibre of his being, Sam slowly bent down, taking out his knife and scratched a break in the paint on the floor._

_“Always a pleasure, Moose.” Crowley was gone._

 

“Dean-”

“Don’t fucking say it, Sam. Just don’t.” 

“No, you can’t do this anymore.” Dean was pacing the room, pulling his hair like going bald would mean living another minute. 

“So what?” Dean stopped, facing Sam. “We give up? Let her die?” 

“Of course not!” Now Sam stood up from his seat on the bed. “But I don’t know what else to do. We’ve done everything we know how, and more, and we still haven’t found her. Even a tracking spell didn’t work. If the demons have her, they are more hell-bent than ever to keep us from finding her.” Dean laughed, but it wasn’t out of joy. He started pacing again, and Sam threw his hands in the air, exasperated and downright done. They really _had_ done everything. What absolutely boggled Sam’s mind was how the magic had failed. They’d done everything right, bending their morals left and right, and still nothing. 

 

Out of nowhere, Dean’s phone started to ring on the table. Dean obviously didn’t care, so Sam picked it up, not recognising the number. Something in the back of his mind told him he had to answer.

“Hello?” 

“… Sam?” Sam’s eyes widened. “Is Dean there?” He let the phone drop from his ear and held it out to his brother. 

“Dean.” 

“What?!” He looked at the phone in Sam’s hand, then up at his face. He took two quick steps and all but ripped the phone out of Sam’s hand. He held it up to his ear, and Sam heard the air leave Dean’s lungs like a popped balloon.

“Jules?”

 

Jules POV 

I didn’t know what day it was, or even what time. It had all blurred together into a jumble of light, dark, pain and fear. I opened my eyes, not seeing anyone else in the room. That was new, they’d always kept at least one demon in the room with me. I tried to move my arms and pain shot through my limbs. They hadn’t untied me even once since they brought me here, and my body was locked and stiff after being in the same position for who knew how long. I worked through the pain, feeling the ropes give a little more each time I moved my hands. The only mercy I’d had in this place was that the demons hadn’t noticed the ropes slacking. I caught the rope on an edge and worked it over. 

 

I sat like that for hours, expecting one of the demons to show up at any moment. The one who’d tortured me the first time came back the most, seeming to enjoy my pain like a junkie enjoys his next fix. Finally, to my extreme surprise, the rope snapped. I sat there in disbelief, expecting to wake up from a new kind of torture. When that didn’t happen I tried to bend over to get to the ropes holding my feet to the chair’s legs. And almost tipped the chair when my chest caught fire. It had to be fire, nothing else could hurt this bad. I bit my tongue so hard I felt blood start to trickle down my throat and over my chin, doing my best to hold back a scream that would have demons descending like bats out of hell, pun definitely intended. I held as still as possible, waiting for the pain to lessen before moving again. When it finally ebbed enough for me to let go of the bite of death I had on my tongue, I hesitated before moving again. I shifted slightly, and the pain wasn’t as bad. Moving as slow as possible, I finally got my arms down to my feet and untied the ropes. Standing proved a new challenge, and I fell twice before managing to keep my balance. How fucking long had I been in that chair? My body felt completely useless. I got to the door and gripped the handle. And stopped. What if it _was_ a trick? What if the pain I’d gone through to get here was intentional and the demons were enjoying seeing me do it to myself, giving me hope along the way? 

 

No. If I thought like that I’d never get out of here. I twisted the handle, wanting to cry in joy when it twisted and the door opened. Moving carefully I managed to get out without the door squeaking. Outside my torture chamber I was met with a corridor. I looked left and right, seeing nothing to indicate which way was the exit. I’d been unconscious when they brought me here, so I had no way of remembering the way in. Fifty-fifty chance it was. _Always go left_ , a little voice in my head reminded me. I went left. 

 

My instinct proved right when I finally got my first breath of fresh air in days. The little voice in my head nagged at me that it couldn’t be this easy. If this were a movie, the villain would soon appear before me, plucking hope from me like you’d pluck feathers from a chicken. I looked around, trying to adjust to the light. It looked like the sun was going down, but it might as well have been high noon in the Sahara Desert for all my eyes were concerned. I blinked, covering my eyes with my hand. I heard the door close behind me and jumped. It was too quiet all of a sudden, like my ears were just now registering the silence. 

 

“To be honest, I expected you to get out of there much sooner.” I screamed and fell backwards, trying to get away from whoever it was that had said that. I looked around, catching sight of a short man in a black suit and trench coat. 

“Who are you?!” My voice came out sounding suspiciously like a hoarse cat. 

“Name’s Crowley, love. I’ve got to say, I’ve so been looking forward to meet you.” My heart was pounding. The light had finally stopped hurting my eyes, and I looked him over, seeing his eyes flash red. I knew it. 

“You’re a demon.” No question. 

“More than that, sweetheart,” The endearment, although I doubted he meant it as such, made my heart clench. He leant forward, as if he were sharing a big secret. “I’m the King of Hell.” Oh great. 

“So you’re the devil.” His face tensed. 

“I wouldn’t say I am.” Ouch, did I hit a sore spot?

 

I braced myself against the ground, barely feeling the scrapes on my hands, and stood up. 

“I take it you’re in charge of the demons who kidnapped me?” 

“Ah yes, I’ll need to have a little chat with them. As far as first impressions go, I assume this one falls on the bottom of the list.” 

“You could say that…” Crowley laughed. Asshole.

“Now, Jules, I want to discuss a few things with you. Shall we?” He held out his hand. My eyes narrowed. 

“Pardon my french, but why the _fuck_ would I go anywhere with you?” 

“Now don’t be like that, dear.” I didn’t answer him. He sighed. 

“I see the Winchesters have rubbed off on you.” _That_ caught my attention, and fear started to build inside me. He knew them. More than that, he knew where to find them.

 

He saw the realisation on my face and grinned, still holding out his hand, so sure I would take it. 

“Now, come along.” A realisation that I was completely at his mercy and had no way of escaping hit me like a freight train. The fear reached an all time high, and I felt something start to explode inside me. I had to let it out, or I would die. Letting loose a scream, I threw my arms out towards Crowley, feeling the explosions move through them and hitting him like a grenade. Before he could even blink, he fell to the ground in a pile of completely mangled limbs. 

 

Breathless, I fell to my knees. Red smoke started to rise from the broken body, drifting up and away. Crowley. He wasn’t dead, but he also wasn’t here with me anymore. There was something wet running down my cheek and I realised I was crying. I’d truly thought I was going to die. I had no idea what it was that had saved me, but for now I was grateful as fuck that it had. 

 

I had to pull myself together and get away from here. I got up and walked around. The building I’d come out of was relatively small and had a small dirt road leading up to it. With darkness coming fast it was easy to hide among the trees lining the road. Soon enough I stumbled out of the trees, where the small road met a bigger one. There were cars driving all along it and I threw a hand out, trying to stay on my feet. Blackness was starting to creep up in my vision, but I fought it off, desperate to get as far away as possible. A car stopped and a woman stepped out of the driver’s seat, reaching her hands out to catch me as I stumbled forward. 

“Are you okay?” Do I look okay, lady?

“Yes, I’m fine,” I lied. “I just really need a ride.”

“What happened?” she asked as she led me to the car, tucking me in the backseat.

“Camping accident…” I mumbled. She looked concerned, but refrained from asking anything else. Thank god. She got back in behind the wheel and started driving down the road. 

“Where are you headed?” 

“Nearest gas station would be great.” I met her eyes in the rearview mirror. “Thank you,” I said in a low voice. She smiled, still looking worried. 

 

Turned out, demons weren’t that good at frisking people. I couldn’t believe it when I felt my wallet in my pocket and could pay the clerk for the water, crackers, spraypaint and salt I’d picked out at the gas station. Next was finding somewhere I could protect myself. I was in the outskirts of a small town, and it only took asking four different people, all of who seemed to want to avoid me, to get directions to the nearest motel. Walking down the main road I felt exposed, like several pairs of eyes were watching me constantly. I had no idea if someone around me was a demon, if they had already found me, or if I was just simply losing it. I wasn’t as far away as I wanted to be, but my body couldn’t take much more. For anyone not on the run from demons a stop at the nearest emergency room would be preferable to a rundown motel, but I couldn’t bring myself to be in such a crowded area. All I wanted to do was get somewhere alone and put up protections, lest the demons find me again. 

 

At the motel I got a room as far away from the others as I could, and barricaded myself in there. After spending a whole hour drawing devil’s traps and lining the doors and windows (and the walls) with salt, I sat on the bed, staring at the phone sitting beside the TV. During the walk from the gas station I’d realised that I didn’t have Dean’s number. Or Sam’s. I had no way of reaching them. And the phone kept taunting me. Unwanted thoughts kept intruding in my mind, and I couldn’t stop them. Why hadn’t they come for me? Why had I been forced to endure days of torture in that tiny room, with next to no hope of getting out? Why hadn’t Dean found me? 

 

I started crying and fell back on the bed. Eventually darkness took over and I blacked out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean for it to be so long before I updated again! I’m sitting up at 4:30 AM to get this out (don’t worry, I start work late tomorrow) and I actually really like how this chapter turned out.


	7. Don't you say, don't you say it

Jules POV

A whole fucking week in that motel room, and I was going crazy. I barely had the guts to leave, even to get food and something new to wear. Stepping outside the door, over the salt line, I felt so exposed, like everyone was watching me, even people I couldn’t see. I couldn’t sleep, instead I stayed up pacing the room, lying restless on the bed or looking out the window. Figuring out what to do next was easier said than done when all kinds of questions were floating around in my head.

 

What had Crowley meant when he said he’d thought I’d get out of there faster? Why had the demons kidnapped me? What did they want? Did it have something to do with what I’d ended up doing to Crowley? And _why hadn’t Sam and Dean found me?_

 

I was pacing the room, again, pulling at my hair, ignoring the food I’d bought and put on the table five hours ago, when there was a knock on the door. It scared me so badly I screamed and tripped myself on the carpet. I lay still on the floor, waiting for the door to burst open and demons come rushing in. Nothing happened. I sat up, keeping my eyes on the door, and the window next to it. Another knock. I stood up and slowly walked across the room. My hand rested on the doorknob, the other holding the safety chain like a lifeline. Deciding that if who- or whatever was on the other side really wanted to get in, they would have by now. I unlatched the chain and turned the knob. And got a huge surprise.

 

“We need to talk.”

 

 

Reader POV

This was some bullshit. You had barely managed to get the Winchesters to leave you alone when Crowley showed up in your room with a new “mission”. He was so full of it. You’d had no idea that it actually _was_ him who’d had Jules abducted. And now he’d lost her, because of course he had, and needed you to find her. Your one consolation in all this was that that was all he’d asked you to do, nothing else.

 

“I don’t see what this girl has to do with me, Crowley.” 

“Darling, I thought we’d been over this. It’s not your place to ask questions.” He was right. You hated to admit it, but he was. 

 

It wasn’t as hard as Crowley made it out to be. In fact, it was so easy to find Jules you started to wonder what the fuck Crowley was actually up to. He seriously couldn’t find her only two hours away from the house he’d held her at? More to the point, why hadn’t she left yet? Why was she still here?

 

You walked up to the door, seeing the lights were off in the room. Before knocking you stopped and listened. You could hear her in there, she was pacing, mumbling to herself. Fucking hell, she must be in a panic, demons after her, not knowing who to trust. 

 

Knowing that you were only prolonging the inevitable, you raised your hand and knocked. From inside the room you heard a scream and a thump. You waited a beat before knocking again. This wasn’t the time to be sensitive. Even though Crowley hadn’t given you specific instructions you were sure he wasn’t going to be pleased if you half assed this, and you’d been wracking your brain the whole drive here to find a way around the rules without breaking them. Jules couldn’t fall back into Crowley’s hands, but she couldn’t go back to the brothers either. 

 

The door opened and you were faced with a girl who locked severely freaked out. 

 

“We need to talk.” Her eyes flicked around.

“How do I know you’re you?” So she wasn’t completely incompetent. You pulled out a flask of holy water and a shotgun shell filled with rock salt. 

“Know what salt and holy water do to a demon?” She nodded. Here goes. You opened the shell and poured it’s contents into the flask. Then you took a deep breath before raising it to your mouth. Fucking hell, that’s nasty! You looked at Jules. 

“See? No burns, no screams, no smoke. All human.” She looked relieved but didn’t open the door to let you inside. 

“Why are you here? Where’s Dean? And Sam?” 

“Like I said, we need to talk, and while I may not be a demon I can’t say the same for anyone else. Will you please let me in?” She looked around, panic back in her eyes. Then she gestured for you to hurry and slammed the door as soon as you’d stepped over the threshold. You heard the lock click and the chain slide into place. 

“Wow,” you said, looking around the room. Devil’s traps and sigils lined the walls and floor, and salt lines ran all along the walls, windows and doors. “Where’d you learn all this?” You turned back to look at her, only to find her sitting on the floor, hands in her hair and shaking. 

“Hey,” you murmured in a soft voice, squatting down infront of her. “I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, and how this must be, but I need you to get it together, okay?” She looked up at you. 

“I don’t know what’s happened, or why. And the only two people I have to rely on haven’t come for me. I don’t even know their phone numbers. So please don’t talk to me about keeping it together.” 

“Listen, Sam and Dean have tried their damn best to find you. They even came to me, asking if I knew anything. At the time I didn’t. I only found out where you were an hour ago. I don’t even know why the demons want you. But…” you bit your lip, hating that you had to say this part. You had no guarantee that you’d be able to keep your word. “I’m here to help you.” 

 

 

Jules POV

I didn’t know whether to believe Y/N or not. I didn’t know her, although Sam and Dean seemed to trust her, at least they used to. What help could she offer? 

“How?”

“First things first.” She held her hands out and pulled me to my feet. She guided me to a chair and we sat down at the table. 

 

“The most important thing you need to know is that if you stay here, the demons _will_ find you, no question. As I said, I don’t know why they want you, but I can promise it’s nothing good. But because they want you, you have to stay away from the Winches-”

“No! No fucking way!” I flew up from my seat and started pacing again. Y/N stood up as well, like she was prepared to take me down if I didn’t listen to her. 

“You don’t get it, Jules, if they find you, they find them. And I can’t let that happen. If you care about them you’ll understand.” I stared at her, feeling my eyes bugging out. 

“That’s rich! Dean told me what you did, and I have to say, that was some stinking horse shit. They loved you, and you just up and left them behind, never looking back. And then you had the nerve to show up at the bunker? Hah!” A flash of movement and she was standing right infront of me, seeming to tower over me, looking pissed as hell. 

“You don’t know half the reason I left. You don’t know why I did what I did. And you certainly don’t know what leaving them did to me. So don’t go acting all high and mighty, pretending to know them, or me for that matter.” I stood stock still, the chill in her voice freezing me on the spot. It took a few moments before I had the nerve to speak again. 

 

“I trusted them to find me… I thought I knew that they’d fight tooth and nail, and succeed. But they didn’t, and I had to get myself out.” 

“I know.” Her voice was softer now, but she didn’t back down. “And now I need you to know why you have to stay away from them.” Tears were forming in my eyes. 

“So I have to go at this alone?” 

“I’m afraid so.”

“You said you’d hep me.”  
“I can only do so much, Jules.” A moment of silence.

“Can I at least call Dean?” 

 

 

Dean POV

“Jules?” His voice barely held up after hearing her voice. 

“Yeah, it’s me…” 

“Where are you?” He tried his best to keep the panic and anger at bay. If she’d been hurt-

“I can’t tell you.” Her voice was soft, shaky, like she was crying. Dean’s hand was trembling, resisting the urge to hit something, and he wanted to scream at her and demand to know where she was so he could come get her. But he didn’t. 

“Why?” 

“Because of you Dean. What happened to me… It would happen to you too. So I need to be alone.” 

“Jules…” She was kidding herself if she thought he wouldn’t find her. “What did they do?” His voice was strained, trying to keep his emotions in check. He heard a sob on the other line, faint, as if she was holding the phone away from her head, hoping he wouldn’t hear. 

“I have to go, Dean.”

“No, Jules-” The line went dead. 

 

 

Jules POV 

I let the phone fall to the floor, my mind a haze. Somewhere in the back of my senses I felt Y/N move beside me to pick it up. Then hands were moving me through the room, sitting me down on the bed. Her face appeared infront of me, catching my attention.

“Jules? I need you to focus.” I shook my head to clear it, and nodded to show she had my attention. 

“Good. So here’s the deal. I need to leave soon, but there are a few things I need you to do.” Another nod. 

 

“First, I need you to leave this town. You already know about protection against demons, use it. Don’t stay in one town for more than a couple of days, and always use cash.” She stuffed a wrinkled piece of paper in my hand. “Learn this by heart. It’s an exorcism, should you need to use it. On the other side is a drawing of a pentagram. I want you to get it tattooed somewhere on your body, it’ll prevent possession.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small gun. “Last thing,” she said, putting it on the bed next to me. “Learn to use this.” She turned and walked to the door, and after a moment I stood up to follow. 

“That’s it? You’re just leaving?” Y/N shrugged on her jacket and opened the door. Before stepping outside she turned back. 

“I don’t think this will be the last time we ever meet, Jules. But I have to ask you to keep this to yourself.” The door closed. 

 

As it turned out, the only perk to Y/N’s visit was my phone call. Nothing else seemed to be working out for me. Wherever I went there seemed to be demons on my heels. I’d gotten the tattoo as soon as possible, and so far it seemed to be working, as no one had tried to smoke their way down my throat yet. But the demons were still there, lurking around every fucking corner. 

 

I’d also become a thief, stealing cars left and right, but never keeping them for long. I must have slept in nine different beds the past two weeks. I never left my motel room during the night, and barely walked outside even during the day. Was this my life now? Was this what I had to look forward to? Living in isolation and on the run? Some life that would be. 

 

I couldn’t help but think that some serious paranoia was setting in. I saw eyes watching me all the time. I didn’t trust the motel managers, or the clerks at the gas-n-sips. I wore discreet clothes and tried my best to hide in plain sight. It was driving me crazy. I wanted nothing more than to go back to Sam and Dean, and find out why this was all happening. I felt so fucking cut off from the world and there was nothing to distract me, even for a moment, to let me forget the situation I was in. 

 

Y/N hadn’t shown up again. I didn’t know whether to be grateful or suspicious or panicking about that fact. True, she couldn’t very well babysit me, and I’d decided to believe her when she said she didn’t know why the demons were after me. But the solitude had given me more than enough time to think how weird it was that she’d found me so fast after I escaped, when Dean and Sam hadn’t. It was all eating me up, and I couldn’t see the world in a straight perspective anymore.

 

I was walking from the nearest grocery store, back to the motel, when I felt it. I was being followed. Nowadays all my senses were dialled up to eleven, and it didn’t escape my notice that the same sound of feet hitting the ground had been behind me for a solid ten minutes now. All the way from the store. I sped up slightly, and the steps behind me kept up. My heart was pounding so hard my head started to hurt. I could do this. One more turn and it was only a short sprint back to the motel and the safety of my protection. I rounded the corner and took off, dropping the bags of food on the sidewalk, hoping to slow down whoever was following me. Not looking back even for a moment I strained my muscles as much as possible and ran as fast as I could. I got to my room and slammed the door behind me, barricading it with whatever I could find, checking all the salt lines and traps before collapsing in a heap on the floor. When the pounding on the door started I wrapped my arms around my head and squeezed, trying to tune out the sound that could mean my death. 

 

The crash of the door breaking open had me jump up and back as far into the room as I could. Someone had gotten inside. What the hell? What demon could cross a salt line? And not get stuck in the traps? I saw a shape moving behind the glass divider between the bed and the door and pressed my back against the wall, trying to become as small as possible. In the pocket of my jacket I felt the gun digging into my hip and immediately grabbed it. When the person came around the corner I raised it to fire. Only to drop it just as fast.

 

“Dean?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't sleep, this chapter kept nagging at me so I had to write it :P


	8. My broken heart is still beating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this chapter, Broken, by Lifehouse. Seriously, this song practically wrote it for me.

Dean POV

He didn’t register the way her shirt hung off her shoulders, too big for her, or how much thinner her hair looked, or how her eyes were bugged out and watery. He didn’t even noticed how she’d pointed a gun at him, obviously ready to shoot him if she had to. All he saw was that she was alive. She was standing infront of him, breathing, moving, talking. The feeling that filled him was nigh on indescribable. It was like the weight of his whole life had lifted from his shoulders, because Jules was alive. She was safe. 

 

Dean walked through the room and pulled her into his arms, holding her as close as he could without breaking her bones. She collapsed against him, her body giving out. He moved around and sat down on the bed, lifting her into his lap and trying to hold onto as much of her as possible, as if to assure himself that all of her was there, that nothing was missing. It didn’t make sense to him, the protectiveness. All he knew was that he wouldn’t be letting go anytime soon. How long they sat like that he didn’t know, all of his focus was on Jules. After a while her breathing evened out, getting deeper, letting him know she’d fallen asleep. 

 

A sound at the door had him looking up, turning his body to shield Jules from whoever it was. It was Sam, standing just inside the doorway, looking worried. Dean knew his brother and Jules didn’t get along well, but that Sam still felt responsible. He’d agreed with Dean that Jules was to stay in the motel room. That mistake was on both of them, and the only comfort they had was that they’d now found her. Dean didn’t dare tackle the mountain of emotions this girl had brought, it scared him more than he would admit. He didn’t know what he felt for Jules, just that she was important, and at the moment that was enough.

 

“How is she?” Sam asked. Dean had relaxed when he realised it was his brother who’d come into the room, and had let up on the death grip he had on Jules. She hadn’t woken up, too exhausted to even move around in her sleep. 

“Exhausted,” Dean answered. “Who knows how much sleep she’s had in the past few weeks, or even what she’s been through.” Sam tilted his head, looking at Jules. 

“She looks like hell.” Dean looked down at her face, no longer surprised, but still flinching, at the healing cuts and bruises he could see. “Hell” was a kind description, and Dean would know. 

 

 

Sam POV

Sam moved slowly toward Dean, wary that his brother might not want him too close. Dean was being very protective, like it was instinct, and Sam didn’t want to set him off. 

“Dean,” he said, and his brother looked back up. “Let’s get her home.” Dean nodded, tossing Sam the car keys before gathering Jules up in his arms, moving slowly so as not to wake her up. Sam walked ahead, checking the parking lot to make sure it was clear. He opened the door to the backseat, letting Dean get in, and closed it behind him. 

 

They didn’t talk much on the way back to the bunker, and once in a while Sam would look in the rearview mirror to see Dean staring down at Jules. There was a frown on his brother’s face, and Sam knew what he was thinking. Dean wanted to find out what had happened, wanted to make whoever had done this feel what Jules had felt. He wanted to find out why the demons wanted her, what was special about her. Sam felt the same. 

 

 

Jules POV

Seeing Dean became too much. I felt his arms wrap around me and everything just broke. I fell into a heap, feeling him catch me and lead me to the bed where he just held me. He didn’t talk, just moved me onto his lap and sat. Eventually my breathing calmed down and I felt sleep take me. I let it, knowing for the first time in weeks that I wasn’t in danger anymore. He’d found me, and I didn’t care that I was supposed to stay away from him, because he made me feel safe, which was exactly what I needed. How I’d ever thought everything would be better apart from them I would never know. 

 

Waking up I thought the whole thing had been a dream, that I was still in that motel room and that Dean had never showed up. Alertness and an edge of panic washed over me and I tensed, sitting up in the bed. I looked around and noticed my surroundings were all wrong. This wasn’t the motel room. This looked like- 

 

“Jules.” _That_ voice. My head snapped to the side, and there he was, sitting next to the bed. 

“Dean.” It hadn’t been a dream. My doubts about him and Sam drained away, leaving no trace behind. He’d come through, like I’d trusted he would. 

 

I walked the corridors of the bunker, wondering if things should be feeling different from last time I was here. But everything was the same. This wasn’t like when I’d left home without realising exactly what that meant. Getting kidnapped, tortured and hunted hadn’t changed how I saw the world. When I’d decided to learn to hunt I’d immediately accepted that anything could happen. And it had. When my mother was possessed I’d seen first hand what demons could do, and despite still being young I wasn’t as naive as Dean and Sam seemed to have thought at first, and perhaps still did. No, almost dying hadn’t changed the world in any way. What had changed was that now I knew for sure that they were looking for me, and that if I wasn’t careful, they would find me again. Not only me, but Sam and Dean as well. 

 

Dean had asked me what had happened, and to his surprise I told him. He didn’t take it well. “Crowley?” 

“That’s what he said his name was.” 

“That fucking…” He didn’t finish the sentence, but I had a few ideas of where he was going with that. And I agreed. “That’s it. This time he dies. For good.” 

“Good, let’s do it.”

“Woah, wait a minute.” His anger went out like a candle, wariness taking over. “You’re not going with us.” I raised my eyebrows. 

“Do we really need to have this conversation again?” 

“Apparently we do!” He’d raised his voice, but I stood my ground. I wasn’t going to budge on this. The demons were after me, and I was going to find out why. 

“You can’t order me to stay here.”

“Wanna bet?” 

“Yeah, I do. I bet my life that the demons are going to find me again eventually, and not knowing why could get me killed when they do.” That shut him up. 

 

“Listen,” I said, taking a step closer to him, looking him in the eye. “Believe it or not I understand why you don’t want me to go with you, why you’d rather I stay in the bunker where it’s safe. But now I need you to understand what you wouldn’t before. I’m choosing this. It would have been so easy to give up and die. But I didn’t, because I fucking refuse. I’m not going to lie down and hide, and I need you and Sam to teach me how to fight back, so this doesn’t happen again.” He looked like he wanted to interrupt, so I held up my hand to silence him. “I know you see me as a kid, and you’re right, I am. But I’m not clueless. I knew what I was getting into. I just need you to understand that.” He raised his hand and cupped my face. 

“Why are you so stubborn?” he whispered. 

“I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t.” 

 

“We need to talk.” I’d called Sam and Dean into the “war room”, as they called it. They needed to know everything that had happened, not just the torture and Crowley part. We were sitting around the map table. I’d decided that it didn’t matter what Y/N wanted me to do. Sam and Dean had to know everything if we were going to do this. 

 

“After I escaped I wound up in a motel not far from where I was held. After a few days someone payed me a visit. It was Y/N.” _That_ got their attention.

“Son of a bitch…” Dean murmured, running a hand down his face. “How’d she find you?” 

“I don’t know. But she told me that when you talked to her she didn’t know where I was. To be honest, I don’t know if I believe her. I don’t know how she found me when she did, when you and Sam couldn’t.” I looked at Sam, who seemed to have frozen. “But I do believe that she doesn’t know why the demons want me.”

“Well that’s something…” Dean said, leaning back in his chair. Sam stood up and walked out of the room. Neither me or Dean made to follow him or call him back. 

 

“There’s more,” I said. 

“Do tell.” Heavy sarcasm. 

“I think… I don’t know for sure, but I think I did something to Crowley.”

“What do you mean ‘did something’?”

“What I mean is, when I thought for sure I was going to die I felt this force build up inside me. I shot my hand out towards him because I had to let it out or I was going to die. When I did he just sort of… crumpled. His whole body seemed to break.” 

“You mean… you have powers?” 

“I don’t know! I just know that something happened.” The gears were turning behind Dean’s eyes. 

“Well this could explain why the demons want you so badly.” I thought back to what Crowley had said when I came out of the house. 

“When I came out of the house he held me in he said that he’d thought I’d get out of there faster. Like he knew something.” 

 

Dean was quiet for several minutes, looking like he was fighting himself over something. He looked at me, a frown on his face. 

“Are you sure you want to go after Crowley?” Knowing that giving me this choice wasn’t something that came easily for him I did my best to look strong, because this was something I had to do. 

“Yes.” He nodded.

“Okay.” 

 

 

Sam POV

Sam couldn’t count the number of things he’d broken in anger after Y/N left them a year ago. One thing after another got destroyed when he couldn’t keep his emotions under control. Dean took it in stride, seeing what Y/N had meant to him, but after a while it had gotten to be almost too much. Sam hadn’t had an outburst like that in months now, but when he heard what Jules had to say he could feel it all coming back, although not for the same reason. Had Y/N known about Jules? Or could he believe that she was still somewhat on their side? He didn’t know what to think anymore. It wasn’t like a whole year could pass and she’d stay the same. He had no idea what she’d been up to during that time, and had he been in a more reasonable mood he would’ve been less keen on trusting her. But being objective in the face of this was something he wasn’t prepared to do right now. Just because she’d left didn’t mean his feelings had gone away and he hoped more than anything that she felt the same. 

 

He didn’t want to talk to his brother or Jules, didn’t want to hear what either of them had to say. He knew Jules meant a lot to Dean, which meant his brother would be more likely to take her side. Sam trusted him, and knew without a doubt that when it came down to it he would always have Dean by his side. He didn’t think Jules would have any reason to lie, it wasn’t like she knew Y/N, or even what had happened with her family. If anything, she was the most objective one here. 

 

Spending time alone was the best and the worst for his state of mind. While he got to think it all over he also didn’t have anyone there to stop him should his anger take over again. Catharsis aside, he hated to “wake up” and see the result. 

 

Sam thought back to a few months back, to him and Dean driving through the night. 

 

_“‘Diggin’ into the lore’… Is that what the kids are calling it these days?” Sam looked out the window, not saying a word._

_“Hey,” Dean said, looking worriedly at his brother. “I think you needed that. And look at that, you’re starting to move on.” Sam turned back and looked at Dean._

_“You think that’s what I’m doing? You’re an idiot.” There wasn’t a hint of a joke in his voice. Dean took it in stride, preferring this to wondering if he’d have to lock up the guns._

_“You seemed to like her well enough, even put a blanket down. Buddy, classy and thoughtful as always.”_

_“She tried to give me her number. You know what I thought?”_

_“‘We got tonight. Who needs tomorrow?’” Sam felt his lips wanting to twitch up into a smile._

_“Is everything a Bob Seger song to you?”_

_“Yes,” Dean deadpanned. Sam shook his head and looked back out the window._

_“Well, it was good knowing you, Piper.”_

 

That night in the Impala had been… Sam didn’t know what to think of it. He knew that had he never met Y/N he would’ve enjoyed it so much more. But he thought Dean was right. He did need it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, this chapter was emotional for me. Jules and Dean’s relationship is tearing at me, but just… AGH!   
> I hated to do that to the amazing scene from “Baby”, but I’ve had this in mind since around the middle of writing Motels, and it just fit so perfectly here. And Sam… His anger is heartbreaking. To me, his feelings for the reader are more tangible here than they ever were in Motels, and I love being able to write from his POV.


	9. The King of Hell is no friend of mine

Jules POV

“The spell isn’t working.”  
“Gee, I hadn’t noticed.” Dean was getting annoyed. Too right, I was annoyed too. When he’d said we were going after Crowley I had expected us to head out right away. But apparently that was not the way to go after the King of Hell. The right way seemed to be to do a spell and then sit around outside the bunker, waiting for it to take affect. Which it wasn’t. Like at all. 

 

Sighing, I stood up and walked away. In the corner of my eye I saw Dean’s shoulders stiffen, and he didn’t look away from the sigil and devils trap on the ground. It had only been a day since the brothers had found me and brought me back to the bunker, but despite my earlier conviction that the world remained the same, I’d found it really didn’t. I couldn’t look at Dean. I could scarcely stand to be in the same room as him, which altogether was a new feeling. I didn’t understand it. Walking around the corner of the building that held the bunker, I thought about how the most important thing to me, during my weeks alone and on the run, had been how I wished that Dean would find me, despite the necessity of staying away from both the Winchesters for their safety. My time in captivity had brought out a kind of attachment to Dean, and I didn’t realise it until I was back with him. I thought about how he’d simply taken me into his arms when he walked into that room, and not let go as I fell asleep. I’d felt so safe, and when I woke up and found him by my bedside it… It what? I’d since realised my own emotional predicament, but what about his? What did he feel?

 

The time between waking up and now was enough to let me think everything over, and I knew I couldn’t leave him. It would drive me crazy, a fact that had me scared out of my mind. Sentimental attachment wasn’t something I was used to, aside from my family. All I’d ever had was them. And now this man had been thrown into my life, and I could not walk away. So my solution was to leave him alone as much as possible. It wouldn’t hold up, or go away, I knew that, but at the moment it was all I had.

 

I wasn’t vain enough to think he had suddenly bloomed the same feelings that I had, at least not that he was fully ready to deal with. From what I’d seen, that man had some serious emotional baggage. Dean Winchester seemed to be the kind of man that accepted his life for what it was, but wouldn’t let anyone, maybe not even his brother, see exactly what it did to him. This would be no different. So did he care about me? Was that why he’d acted the way he had, protecting me? 

 

I’d decided I wanted to become a hunter. I wanted to learn to beat the demons who were after me into the ground, and stand back up if they got to me first. I knew my age made me close to a child in the Winchesters’ eyes, someone who still had options in their life, who wasn’t tied to hunting in the way they were. They themselves had no other choice in this life, as something or someone would always be out to get them. Dean had agreed to let me go after Crowley with them, but had he fully grasped what that meant? Did he realise that I now expected him to teach me what he knew, so that next time I was alone I didn’t have to be so… vulnerable? I shuddered at the thought. I hated that feeling. I was used to dealing with things head on, and not knowing how was eating me up. 

 

I’d reached the corner of the building and leaned against the wall to look back at where Dean and Sam were still looking at the spell-that-wasn’t-working, and contemplated what could make them realise what I needed them to. As they hadn’t pawned me off on some other hunter, or simply dropped me at a bus station, I assumed they were in this with me. I hoped they proved me right. 

 

“Hello, darling.” Surprisingly, I didn’t jump in fright, but simply stiffened at that eerily familiar voice that had been burned into my memory. 

“You missed the mark, Crowley.” I didn’t turn around to look at him, but kept my eyes on Sam and Dean. 

“Those two have done that spell enough times for me to know what’s waiting for me. I’ve been cautious these past few days. You see, I was expecting to get a call.”  
“And I was expecting you to come after me again with more… Well, more.” He chuckled darkly, and the sound sent cold shivers down my spine. 

 

“Could you answer a question?” I asked him, still not looking his way. I felt him move up closer behind me, looking over my shoulder at the brothers. 

“That depends on the question, darling.” Of course it did.

“Why did you kidnap me? What do you want from me?” I heard him take a breath to answer, but just then Dean lifted his head and looked around. Crowley backed off around the corner to avoid being seen. Dean noticed me by the corner and raised an eyebrow in question. I nodded back in answer. 

 

“Close call there,” I heard Crowley say. 

“Are you going to answer?” I asked. 

“Now, isn’t it more fun if it’s for me to know and you to… not?” Asshole. 

“Okay so, aside from gloating, why did you decide to show up?” 

“I needed to get a look at what Squirrel and Moose are planning.” That made me turn my head and look at him, eyebrows shooting up.

“Who?”

“The Winchesters, who else?” 

“Squirrel and moose?” 

“Fits, doesn’t it?” I was beginning to understand Dean’s reaction whenever Crowley’s name was mentioned. I sighed and shook my head before turning back to look at Sam and Dean. 

“They’re not planning anything besides trapping and questioning you. I take it that’s what they usually do?” 

“Indeed.” 

 

“How did you get that body back in working shape? Demons don’t exactly have healing powers, do you?” 

“I called in an old favour.” 

“The King of Hell needs to call in favours?” There was a palpable change in his mood just then. 

“Well I can’t have my minions wondering how my meatsuit got destroyed in the first place, can I?”

“Translation, you can’t afford to show any weakness. If your control over Hell is that… delicate, then maybe you should consider a career change.” A hand grabbed my shoulder and pushed me up against the side of the building, out of the brothers’ sight. The other one went to my throat and started squeezing. I grinned while gasping for air. 

“What’s wrong, my liege? Why don’t you use some of that big bad demon power on me? Go on.” I croaked on the words but knew he understood. The King of Hell looked like he wanted nothing more than to gut me right then and there. 

“That’s what I figured,” I gasped out, doing my best to loosen his grip on my throat. “You can’t, can you? Your powers don’t work on me.” His rage had turned his eyes red and his whole body was shaking. 

 

His hold on my throat didn’t let up one bit, and my senses were slowly leaving me. Then, the sweetest sound; a round being chambered.

“Let her go.” I could just barely see Dean behind Crowley, holding a gun to his shoulder. What the hell? Aim for the head! But Crowley’s hold on me had immediately loosened, and he now looked just the slightest bit afraid. 

“Come on, Crowley, we’ve done this before.” With an angry growl Crowley stepped back and let me go. I fell to the ground, coughing for breath and fighting to stay conscious. A pair of hands held me up and gently gripped my face, and I saw Sam looking down at me, checking to see that I was okay. 

“I’m fine,” I rasped out, but he didn’t look like he believed me one bit. I felt his jacket being draped over my shoulders and my body being leaned against the hard stone wall behind me. And I promptly passed out. 

 

 

Dean POV

This was a stupid plan. So stupid, too stupid. Sam had said it was the only one, and Jules had agreed. What was with the budding friendship? Dean felt kind of betrayed, like the hostility between his brother and his… that is, Jules, was something he could count on. Before he could argue against this plan, they were outside the bunker doing the summoning spell. Dean doubted that Crowley would show up, since it hadn’t been long sine the last time they’d done it, and subsequently trapped him. 

 

“The spell isn’t working.” Thank you, Captain Obvious. 

“Gee, I hadn’t noticed.” Jules huffed and walked away. Getting kidnapped hadn’t done anything for her levels of patience. She rounded the corner of the bunker-building and leaned against the wall, within their sight. Was that a subconscious way of staying close to him- _them_ , or was she just being cautious? 

 

While Jules had been asleep, Sam had asked if Dean okay. Dean had answered “I’m awesome, just… awesome”. Sam had not believed him. While talking to each other was something they actually did nowadays, talking about this would’ve been a kick in the nut sack. Meaning Dean wanted to avoid it at all cost. Emotional constipation was nothing he wasn’t used to, but having had free time between Jules waking up and now, Dean’s feelings had reared their ugly heads. And he’d thought about them. 

 

Jules was… He couldn’t explain, even to himself. She was annoying, demanding, impatient, naive, overeager, all things that annoyed him. He still thought she didn’t really know what she was getting into, but the lack of a flip and freak on her part had led him to believe that she was stronger than she’d seemed at first. Maybe she did know what she was getting into. And that was the problem. She wouldn’t back down. And Dean wasn’t sure he wanted her too, something that terrified him. He wanted her around, and he couldn’t come to grips with why. Dean hadn’t felt this before, and it caught him off guard in a way he wasn’t entirely comfortable with. 

 

Now, out in the open and waiting for the King of Hell, he was on edge. He was hyper aware of exactly where Jules was at all time. Despite the mess in his head, Dean knew he couldn’t deny the fact that he needed Jules to stay with him. Nothing could happen to her again. 

 

Not long after she had walked away he felt Sam stiffen beside him just as he picked up on someone else being there. So far so good. 

 

While hashing out their plan, Jules had damn near demanded that, if the first part of it worked, she would get to talk to Crowley on her own. Two parts of Dean had warred at that request. On one hand he wasn’t entirely sure that the spell would work at all, and if so there would be nothing to worry about. On the other he really didn’t want Jules to spend anymore time alone with Crowley than she already had. Jules had argued that Crowley might talk to her, but would flat out refuse him and Sam out of spite, and plain asshattery. 

 

Several minutes passed, and Dean could still see Jules leaning against the wall in his periphery. At one point he glimpsed the King himself, and Dean raised his head, as if just now sensing something wasn’t quite right. Crowley stepped out of sight and Dean threw a look at Jules, raising an eyebrow. She gave a small nod, everything okay for now. He was on edge, waiting for the moment of distraction he needed. It came in the form of a low thud by the corner of the building. Jules was gone. Fuck. 

 

 

Sam POV

Dean didn’t lose his shit like Sam half expected. Instead he moved like on any other hunt. Quick and silent, pulling the gun from his waistline. In just a few seconds they had rounded the corner, and found Crowley with his hand around Jules’ throat. Her face was turning red from the lack of oxygen, but she was… smiling? Sam didn’t stop to think about that, but instead moved around Crowley, and let Dean take the lead and train the gun on the demon. 

 

“Let her go.” Dean’s voice was cold as ice. It got Crowley’s attention and he started to back off, but still kept his grip on Jules. “Come on, Crowley, we’ve done this before.” Jules dropped to the ground, coughing badly and trying to catch her breath. Sam was at her side, checking to see if the demon had done bad enough damage to warrant a visit to the hospital. 

“I’m fine.” So she knew he was there at least. He draped his jacket around her and leaned her back against the wall. She passed out like a light, but kept breathing strongly on her own. Sam turned back to his brother and Crowley. 

“Let me guess,” the demon said. “Devil’s trap bullets?” 

“Only the best for you, Crowley,” Dean said. “I see you managed to get your meatsuit all stitched up. Jules filled us in on smashing you into a demon pretzel.” Sam couldn’t see his face, but he was sure the demon was smirking.

“Come now, Dean. All you have to do is ask.” Sam was amazed at how Crowley somehow alway managed find a way to make any situation sound dirty. Dean fired a shot, not at all in the mood to play nice. The bullet zinged past Sam, hitting nothing but air. Crowley was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone! It’s been ages, yes, I know. I wasn’t exactly sure how to move on with this story. I have ideas on developments, but not so much the plot. We’ll see what happens. During christmas and new year I have been dragged back down into my old Harry Potter obsession (okay let’s face it, it never died), and I got to rereading some of my old favourite fics.   
> I just have to tell you what I got for christmas. Tickets to go see Black Veil Brides in Manchester now in January. I started crying when I got it, I’m so happy! Don’t know if any of you listen to them, but they are amazing and have empowered me with self belief in a away few things have. That’s something I wish for everyone, belief in yourself that you are strong and good. Love you all! :)


	10. Just like fire, the armies are one

Jules POV

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was a swirling grey sky, building up to a storm. But… the colours were off. I couldn’t place exactly how it should’ve been, I just had this feeling that this was not the way a cloudy sky should look. I watched for a few moments, my consciousness rising fully to the surface, and I realised I was on my back, lying on something soft. I sat up and looked around. It was a field. The ground was scorched in some places and smoke was drifting around just above the grass. 

 

_Where am I?_

 

There was no way to tell which way was which, how big the field was, or even what time of day it was. Was it day? I looked up at the sky again, trying to find something that would tell me how to get back to… What did I have to get back to? Was I from somewhere else? 

 

The clouds in the sky were getting darker, heavier, and in the distance I could hear thunder rumbling. Without thinking I started walking in the direction of the thunder. And was immediately stopped. My legs felt like they were being held down by lead weights, like someone or something wanted to keep me where I was. Just like that the need to get there, right now, washed over me. I had to get to the rumbling sound. Forcing my legs to move I used my whole body to pull myself forward, and inch by inch I moved over the grass. 

 

As I walked, the rumbling got louder. Time lost its meaning, and my only focus was getting there. My body was weakening and eventually I couldn’t stay upright anymore. I fell forward, landing on my hands and knees. But I didn’t stop. I noticed something was off, and had a vague feeling that my body should be dripping wet, my lungs fighting to fill with air, and my vision should blur with exhaustion. But all I felt was the strain on my muscles and mind.

 

All of a sudden the weight holding me back dropped and I lurched forward, landing flat on the grass. I’d made it, I must have. I turned over to lay on my back, looking up at an almost black cloud sitting right above me. It was lit up by bolts of lightning, and the thunder was deafening. The ground was shaking with the force of the oncoming storm, beating my back to the point of pain, making me get back on my feet. That’s when I saw it in the distance. A big mass of people, just waiting, it seemed. An army, it had to be. There was a weak light shining around them, like they themselves were emitting a dull glow. The line of fighters and soldiers stretched as far to the sides as I could see, and probably beyond even that. A prickling in my neck made me turn my back on the army, and I saw something that made my heart drop. The enemies. This army, seeming just as large as the other, wasn’t glowing. In fact, it seemed like all the light around them was being sucked away, leaving them all in shadow. Time seemed to stop in that moment, as I took in the meaning of it all.

 

I was standing in the middle of a battlefield, and the fight was just about to begin. As time started ticking again, my head whipped back around to the Light side, and saw that they had started to move. The army seemed to grow as some of the soldiers lifted from the ground, spreading wings that looked huge, despite the distance. I looked back to the Dark side, and noticed the same thing happening there. They were coming closer, too fast and too slow, all at the same time. The minutes felt like hours and seconds both. 

 

The brightest flash of lightning yet drew my gaze back up to the sky, and I felt myself being pulled in two directions. Both the sky and the ground were calling me, equal in their strength, and I was helpless against them. The sky held me upright while the ground kept my feet rooted on the spot. Then I heard a voice. 

 

_“Both sides want you, but neither can have you.”_

 

I felt my body begin to break, spine snapping, skin tearing and organs dividing. I was utterly powerless to stop it, and thought both sides would win. The armies were getting closer, one side glowing bright, the other spreading darkness under their feet and wings. Just as I thought I was going to die something inside me rebelled against the two opposing forces. I became whole again as a new power dragged me back into myself. I took hold of it, my heart embracing it, willing it to keep me alive. 

 

I gained control of my body again. The armies were just about to descend when the new power exploded out and new pain flashed through me. It was different from before, and centred in my back and head. Something was pushing out from under my skin. My flesh parted in an explosion of blood that dripped down my face and back. The blow of the power had stopped the armies in their tracks, and all eyes were now on me. Without having to see for myself, I knew what had happened to me. Horns had sprouted from my temples, wings from my back and pointed teeth in my mouth. Light and Dark surrounded me, yet didn’t affect me. Two rivalling forces had come together as one, and I was the result. Neither side could touch me, yet both wanted me for their own. 

 

Another flash, and everything went dark. 

 

 

Dean POV

Jules had been unconscious for too long. Two days had passed since they’d tried to capture and question Crowley, and she hadn’t woken up. Dean didn’t know what was wrong. He’d tried getting ahold of Cas, even shouted his throat raw with prayers, but the angel refused him. At first, both Dean and Sam had agreed that taking Jules to a hospital wasn’t an option, but as the hours passed Dean could see his brother slowly caving. Dean didn’t want to, but he felt that soon he wouldn’t have much of a choice. 

 

He was sitting by Jules’ bedside, watching her chest rise and fall with every breath she took. A slight creaking noise let him know Sam was standing in the doorway. 

“Any change?” Dean shook his head. 

 

This wasn’t like when Jules had been kidnapped. Dean had known what to do then, he’d known he had to find her and keep her safe. Now, he felt… helpless. Jules could be dying for all he knew. What had gone wrong? It had looked like a typical case of oxygen depravation and shock, which she would’ve woken up from after just a couple of hours. This was something else. She hadn’t moved a muscle since sagging down against the wall outside the bunker, not made a sound. It was slowly driving Dean insane. 

 

 

Sam POV

Sam had watched Dean for the past couple of days, now seeing him slowly growing downright scared of what was happening to Jules. He knew that by now there was no going back. Dean was tied to Jules, and nothing would make him let go of her. 

 

Sam was angry. He was worried. Strong emotions that he’d thought he’d been rid of were surfacing again, with Y/N’s return, Jules coming into their lives, and Dean showing sides of himself he’d barely known before. While Dean had always been extremely protective of Sam, he’d rarely shown that kind of devotion toward anyone else, and for some reason it got to Sam. Not because he didn’t approve, but because he knew his brother would be holding back. Dean didn’t do relationships, not since Lisa. But this wasn’t like that. There was no indication that Dean was his usual horny self around Jules. She didn’t draw him in that way. No, it was something else, and Sam would honestly pay good money to find out what.

 

Sam walked down the corridor to Dean’s room and leaned against the door jamb. Dean was sat in the chair next to the bed, elbows leaned on his knees and eyes glued to the girl lying unconscious on the bed. 

“Any change?” Hi brother shook his head, shoulders slumping in defeat. Sam stood there in silence for a while, debating how to best approach his brother. 

“Dean…” When Dean didn’t answer, Sam pushed on. “She hasn’t woken up in two days, she hasn’t eaten or gotten any fluids. I know you don’t like it, I don’t either, but if this doesn’t change…” Sam trailed off, knowing Dean understood his unspoken words. Dean dropped his head in his hands, shoulders shaking slightly. Sam didn’t have to see his face to know Dean was doing his best to hold back. 

 

This wasn’t right. Cas should be here, he would know what was wrong, or could at least find out. But he wasn’t answering either of the brothers. It wasn’t the first time he’d fallen off the grid like this, but Sam had had hope that he’d come back for something like this. 

 

While Jules’ long sleep made them worry, Sam had an idea about what had caused it. Before summoning Crowley, Dean had filled him in on what had happened when Jules escaped. She’d done something to Crowley, broken his body, but somehow not the demon inside it. As usual when looking for answers, Sam had hit the books, trying to find something on spontaneously combusting powers, and the effects on both victim and user. The lore was widespread and not very detailed. There wasn’t much to go on unless you knew what kind of person or creature used the power, and as far as both he and Dean had known Jules was completely human. Now Sam wasn’t so sure. This was also a reason Sam wished Cas would come back. They all needed answers, Jules most of all. 

 

Sam knew that Dean wouldn’t take the news well if it turned out that Jules’ powers came from somewhere dark. The brothers had been hurt and betrayed too many times for either of them to have much faith in peoples’ intentions, however convincing they may be. But Sam also knew that Dean had made up his mind about Jules, whether he himself knew it or not. And Sam would have to be the one to make sure Dean remembered that. 

 

All of a sudden Dean raised his head and looked at his brother. 

“Cas knows something about her, and it can’t be good.”

“How’d you figure?”

“Think about it, he would have been here otherwise. He would’ve…” Dean trailed off and looked back at Jules. Sam didn’t know what to say to that. Cas could have all kinds of reasons for not showing up, but what Dean said made sense. However, Sam didn’t want to draw Dean’s attention to the fact that his thoughts were going in the same directions as his own. He didn’t want Dean lashing out while Jules was asleep, unable to talk him down. Sam wasn’t sure to handle Dean right now, so he chose not to answer. 

 

With Dean’s focus back on Jules Sam backed out of the room and headed back to his own. At times like these he wished desperately that they still had Bobby, if only to have someone to talk to. Bobby might not have been able to find out more about Jules, but he’d always been there for them, a father more than John had been at times. 

 

Sam spent hours pouring over books he’d already read, calling Cas every half hour, and looking for any kind of medical equipment in the bunker. They had to start planning for the possibility of Jules not waking up anytime soon, and she needed fluids. Deep in the bunkers storage room Sam suddenly heard a faint noise. He stopped what he was doing and listened. 

“Sam!” It was Dean. Taking off running, Sam’s mind filled with images of Dean holding Jules’ lifeless body in his arms, crying and shaking her, trying to wake her up. He burst through the door and froze. Jules was far from dead. Dean was backed against the wall, fear in his eyes. The only sound in the room was the door slamming against the wall and Dean’s heavy breathing. 

 

Jules’ body had risen from the bed, straight up in the air, like something was pulling her heart straight up. Strange light surrounded her, looking like it was trying to shine brightly, but dark shadows were holding it back. A shape flashed over her body, and there was no mistaking the outline of wings coming out of her back. Her body twisted in the air, pulling her head up and he saw something on her head. It looked like…

“Horns…” Dean whispered. Horns were a kind description. There was something about them that felt… dark, evil even, a sharp contrast to the wings. Sam felt his heart drop to the floor. Jules wasn’t human, that much was clear. And she had powers, strong ones. People didn’t just up and float around the room, conjuring auras as they went. 

 

As fast as they had appeared, the wings and horns blinked out of existence and Jules fell back down on the bed. The light faded away and everything was normal again. Neither Sam or Dean moved at first, just watched Jules. After a few seconds they heard a very human groan coming from the bed and saw her shift just the slightest. Sam unglued his feet from the floor and walked quickly up to the side of the bed, kneeling down to be at eye level with Jules. He grasped her shoulder and squeezed it, trying to get her to open her eyes.

“Jules?” She blinked a few times, and Sam could swear that her eyes flashed bright blue for a second, before going back to their normal colour. 

“Sam?” He nodded. She moved as if to sit up, and he helped her lean against the headboard. Her eyes searched the room and found Dean. 

“Dean?” Sam looked across the room at his brother. Dean was still standing against the wall, looking like something had been ripped from his body with a butter knife. He looked angry, betrayed, hurt, all the emotions he never showed anyone. Sam knew what would happen next. 

“Dean!” Jules yelled after him as he left the room at a run. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a stepping stone, and was hard to write. I was at a loss, but I’m very pleased with it. Thank you to all who stick around to read, even though I’m so slow to update, it means the world to me :)


	11. Eighteen and life

Jules POV

“Do you remember anything?”  
“No.” Lie. 

“Nothing? No sense of time, or where you were, what happened to you?” 

“No, nothing.” Lies, lies, lies. “Where is he?” Diverting from the topic. 

“He…” 

“You can tell me, Sam. Please.” 

“He still hasn’t come back, Jules.” Of course he hadn’t. 

 

He’d looked at me with such… disgust. Like he couldn’t stand to be in the same room as me. It shouldn’t come as a surprise really. They hunted people like me, people with… _questionable_ powers. Sam hadn’t left my side since I woke up. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I wanted to be alone. Maybe I didn’t. All I knew for sure was that Dean wasn’t here. He hadn’t stopped and listened. _Sam_ of all people was the one who stayed with me. 

 

Sam led me to the kitchen and we sat down at the table. 

“Why did he look at me like that?” 

“Well…” Sam trailed off, not meeting my eyes. 

“Sam, tell me.” He rubbed a hand over his face, looking like he was preparing for an unpleasant conversation. 

“You remember what you did to Crowley? Like you unleashed some kind of power?” 

“Yeah…” 

“Well, just before you woke up, something happened to you…”

 

He told me what had happened, how I’d risen from the bed, how an aura of light and shadow had appeared around me and revealed wings and horns. It correlated perfectly with what I knew hadn’t been a dream. What I’d seen and experienced in my sleep was real, and it scared me. The two opposing forces that were coming to a head, and me the only thing between them. But everything hadn’t been clear. I knew they both wanted me, but for what I didn’t know. Did they want to use me? Protect me? Hide me? Kill me? Was I supposed to stop them or join them? What the fuck was my purpose in this whole thing? What I’d seen had only raised more questions, and only hinted at an answer to the ones I already had.

 

I knew I couldn’t tell Sam what I’d seen, that the aura he and Dean had seen wasn’t just some freak accident, which I was more than happy to let him believe it was, lest he run for the hills like his brother had.

“Sam?” I asked, looking up from my hands on the table.

“Yeah?”

“Why didn’t you run?” I knew he understood everything I was asking with that question. 

He knew I was asking why Dean had turned tail and fled the bunker, why he wasn’t freaked out and instead helped me. 

“I’ve been where you are.”

“You’ve had freak powers that caught you with your pants down?”

“Yupp.” The snark I’d prepared fell flat with a tiny fart sound echoing in my head. 

“When?” 

“Several years ago. I guess you could say they’re the reason for and the result of who me and Dean are today.” 

“You mean hunters?” 

“Yes.” 

 

Sam went on to tell me the story of how their mother died, how they grew up, how Dean was brought up to be a soldier, while Sam rebelled and questioned their father at every turn. He explained how Dean had always seen it as their father having a reason for what he did and just accepted it with blind trust, while Sam wouldn’t take a step without demanding answers. He told me about how he and his father eventually came to a crossroads and an ultimatum was issued. Sam had left for Stanford while Dean went off on his own. Sam had his own life for once, and it was great. But hunting never leaves you, he explained, especially when it involves your family. Dean had showed up, Sam left Stanford, Jess and his life behind to look for their father, and ended up losing it all when he came back to find that the demon who had killed their mother had also gone after Jess. Apparently Sam was part of a big plan that was set in motion before he was even born. The demon had fed him his blood when he was just six months old, and he’d developed powers out of his control. I could see the shame in his eyes when he told me how he’d eventually embraced those powers, and ended up a demon’s bitch, completely manipulated and turned against his brother. 

 

“Dean’s reaction has more to do with our past than with you.” Tears were running down my face. 

“He doesn’t trust me anymore, does he?” 

“He doesn’t trust your powers. He’s been betrayed too many times. Jules,” Sam grabbed my hand and only gripped tighter when I tried to pull away. “He cares about you, more than I’ve ever seen. You don’t realise what it was like when you were kidnapped. Dean damn near lost his mind.” 

“But he still left.”

 

 

Dean POV

“Hey pal, bar’s closing, time to hit the road.” A hand landed on his shoulder, shaking him. Having had enough drinks to tip an angel, Dean still had to fight the instinct to draw his gun on whoever was touching him. He groaned, unsticking his face from the dirty bar top. 

“You okay, dude?”

“Fucking peachy.” Dean dragged a hand down his face and slid down from the barstool, not paying the bartender any attention. He made it out to the parking lot and fished the keys out of his pocket. Dropping down behind the wheel, Dean just sat there, mind flashing back to the scene in the bunker.

 

_No, not her, not this._ That was his first thought when Jules dropped back down on the bed. He couldn’t move, couldn’t say a word. Sam sprung into action and was immediately at her side, checking to see if she was okay. That wasn’t Sam’s job. That’s what Dean was supposed to do. For all intents and purposes, and as far as Dean was concerned, Jules belonged to him. So he should be the one checking on her. But he couldn’t move a muscle. Jules sat up, and looked at him. 

“Dean?” That was it. Dean’s legs came alive again, and all he knew how to do in that moment was to run. He didn’t want to hurt her, despite all of his instincts screaming at him that she was dangerous, that her powers were wrong and would ruin her. Dean wanted to say that Jules was the same as she was before, wanted it with everything he was. But he ran. 

 

The Impala, his baby, his home, took him far away from the bunker, letting him wind up in a rundown dive bar off a highway. Drinking wouldn’t solve this problem, not at all, but it would drown out everything he did not want to think or feel. An oldie but goldie go-to, in the Dean Winchester manual for Dealing With Things. So he drank. 

 

Out in the parking lot he’d miraculously sobered up enough to drive, and turned the key in the ignition just as the passenger door opened and someone sat down in the seat next to him. Dean reacted and had his gun drawn before he’d even seen who it was. 

“Whoa, hold your horses Tay Tay!” Hands in the air, Y/N didn’t move a muscle as Dean refused to lower the gun. “Oh come on…”

“Give me one reason not to pull the trigger.” She took a deep breath. 

“I didn’t know about Jules.” 

“Bullshit.” 

“Honest, Dean. I had no idea why Crowley wanted her, I had no part in her kidnapping, and I did what I could to help her.” 

“You did what you could? No, no, see, I know what you can do, I’ve seen it, so I know you could have done a hell of a lot more to ‘help’ her. Like call me and Sam. But you didn’t.” 

“Yes I did.” Dean pressed the barrel against her head. 

“But you didn’t let us come get her.” He gritted his teeth, holding back from hurting her. He wanted to hear what she had to say. Anger was roiling under his skin, and it was so tempting to fire the gun and leave her bleeding outside this dump to be found as the sun rose. At that moment, he didn’t care about Sam, or that Y/N had once held a place in their home. She left, and she betrayed them. “You’re working with Crowley, aren’t you?” 

 

Y/N let her hands drop, not caring about the gun. She looked out the windshield, contemplating what to tell him. 

 

“Listen, Dean-”

“No, you listen Y/N. We took you in, you became our family, and Sam…” The anger shook Dean, thinking about what his brother had gone through after Y/N left. “And then you left, didn’t call, nothing. A year later you show up outside the bunker and expect us to roll with the punches. When Jules got kidnapped, on a case you were working on that just _happened_ to involve demons, you didn’t know anything. Then, when she escaped, you just happened to find her, _and didn’t call us._ So I’m gonna ask you one more time to give me a reason not to shoot you.” A pained expression crossed her face, and she turned away from Dean. 

“I can’t.” 

“Bullshit.” 

“I mean it, Dean,” she said, turning her head back around to face him. “I literally can’t.” Her eyes were glistening with tears.

“And why the hell is that?” Y/N opened her mouth to answer, but seemed to choke on the air in her lungs. She threw Dean a desperate glance. 

“ _I_ _didn’t know about Jules._ ” The strain in her voice, the way she clenched her chest with her hands… Dean realised she couldn’t tell him much, if anything, but she was trying to make him understand. But Dean was past caring. 

“What _can_ you tell me?” 

“You and Sam-” Then, all of a sudden, she disappeared. Dean looked around, but she’d vanished, nowhere to be seen. 

“Son of a bitch,” he cursed under his breath. Something wasn’t right here… Dean wanted to believe Y/N, but without knowing anything about what had happened to her, he couldn’t. 

 

Dean leaned his head against the back of the seat. Y/N must have had a reason for showing up like she did. She’d wanted to tell him something, but his ruthless demand, downright threats, for answers had lead to her… escaping? What the hell had happened? It was almost like… Like someone didn’t want her to talk. 

“Damn it.” He started the car and turned her back onto the road and pedal to the metal headed back to the bunker. 

 

 

Jules POV

The creak of the garage door and the familiar rumble of a car brought me out of my thoughts. I unglued my cheek from the map table and wiped the drool from the corner of my mouth. Sam had left me to my wallowing in the war room a couple hours ago when he realised I wasn’t taking in everything that he was saying, but the sound of the car brought him back. His footsteps echoed through the room and he headed straight for the door down to the garage. I watched him walk down the stair just as the engine went silent. Then I heard voices coming up from the garage, too low for me to make out what they were saying.

 

 

Winchester POV

“So you’re back.”  
“Bite me.” 

“And you didn’t crash the car either, well done.” 

“Sam, shut up.” 

“Why would you do that Dean?”  
“Do you seriously have to ask, Sam?” 

“Yes, I do. I know she’s different for you, so why?” Dean didn’t answer. “This is getting old, you know, running when things get rough.”  
“Rough? You think this is just ‘rough’? Don’t give me that crap after what happened with Y/N.”  
“Then just tell me! Jules has been asking why you ran, and I explained as best I could, but she needs to hear it from you.” Dean was quiet for a moment. 

“Is she okay?” 

“As much as she can be.” Silence. “There’s more, isn’t there?” 

“Y/N showed up.” Sam felt his lips tighten.  
“And?” 

“I don’t know. She wanted to tell me something, but I pressed for answers that she couldn’t give me. I swear, Sam, it was like something started choking her when she tried. And then she just disappeared.” 

“Disappeared how?” 

“Like she was zapped out by someone who wanted her quiet.” 

“You’re thinking Crowley?”  
“Bingo.” 

 

 

Jules POV

After a few minutes Sam walked back through the door, Dean following close behind. Sam gave me a look, and left the room immediately, leaving you alone with Dean. He just stared at me, not making a move to come closer or say anything. I stood from my seat and walked up to him, staring into his eyes and not letting him look away. My heart started to pound in my chest and my breathing sped up. My whole body was aware of Dean standing infront of me, back here in the bunker, not gone like I’d tried so hard to not let myself think.

“You left me.” I hated to hear how my voice shook, but as much as I tried I couldn’t make it stop.   
“I know,” he whispered. 

“You are my safety, Dean, and you left me.” I gripped his jacket, pushing my fists into his chest. His hands took hold of my wrists, anchoring me to him. He drew in a deep breath, and I could feel his chest shaking.

“I’m scared.” 

“So am I!” I yelled. I started beating my hands against him, but he never let go. “Why did you leave? Why did you come back? Why do you do this to me?!” His grip tightened, trying to hold me still.

“Because I _can’t lose you_.” There was so much in those words, in his eyes and I knew he meant it. My hands stilled and I just held onto him. He was scared and I didn’t blame him. I didn’t know what was happening to me, and I needed him to help me, like he’d helped me ever since I left my home. 

“You came back…” This time I didn’t yell. The desperation in his eyes didn’t one bit as he pulled me closer. 

“I had to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been a long time, I know, but life hasn’t been tip top lately which has made it hard to write anything whatsoever. A heartbreaking crush will do that to a person. Seriously, it’s all I can think about, and it makes everything a little crappy….  
> I know Jules is a little out of character here, but it kinda fit. As I’ve said before, she’s young, and despite her confidence she doesn’t have everything under control


	12. Bryan Adams sings from the heart

Jules POV

Dean leaving and then coming back had thrown me like I’d been launched through a car window. I didn’t know just how much power his presence held over me until all that happened, and I also didn’t know how the _fuck_ it had gotten to this point. Being this… addicted, to someone was nothing I’d ever imagined for myself. It was inexplicable, how I needed him, how much he mattered. But he came back to me, and my trust in him had escaped without a scratch. Sam had done a good job explaining Dean’s reasoning to me, but it didn’t speak nearly as loudly as Dean’s own words and reactions had done. I could handle him having a hard time accepting my powers, me in general, and this whole situation, I knew I could. Who he was as a person became clearer each second I spent with him. The animosity between us in the beginning seemed almost forgotten by now, the new dependence on each other such a curveball that our early moments seemed easy to leave behind.

 

I could handle Dean. What I couldn’t handle was whatever was happening to me. At first I’d told myself I could, that this was what I’d be facing now, but it had changed after my passing out and Dean leaving and then coming back. I had to know what was going on, but I didn’t know how to ask the Winchesters for help. If it turned out to be something really bad… What if they kicked me out? Or worse, decided I became something worth wasting a silver bullet on?

 

I sat on my bed, staring at my watch and just waiting to hear their bedroom doors close. When the two slams finally came I waited another hour to be sure they’d be at least somewhat close to a deeper sleep before daring to venture outside my room and head to the library. They’d told me what kind of information the Men of Letters bunker held, and I figured my biggest hope was one of the books here. The hallways were dimly lit but I managed to not stumble a single time (okay once, but it didn’t make a noise, so it didn’t count) on my way to the library. Flashlight in hand I browsed the shelves. I’d made a list of my… symptoms, in the hope that I could come close to a guess of what I might be, but the books titles gave me nothing. It didn’t help that I had next to no knowledge of the supernatural. After what felt like an hour of searching I sighed and reluctantly turned to the huge filing drawers in the corner. Sam had mentioned it was like an encyclopaedia on supernatural creatures, listing the characteristics and relevant books on a little card. 

 

Just as I went to pull out the top drawer I heard a fluttering noise behind me. Then a voice that made me jump so bad I lost my slippers and fell to the floor. And I’d been doing so well on not stumbling in the dark…

“You won’t find your answer in here.” The voice was deep and scratchy, and would’ve sounded vaguely villainous had I not seen who it belonged to. If I didn’t actually spend time with the Winchesters I would have thought I was just about to be introduced to their tax accountant. 

“How do you know that?” 

“Because what you are is not something any hunter has ever heard of.” 

“And you have?” He didn’t answer, just gave me this weird look through squinting eyes. I managed to get up from the floor and return my slippers to their rightful place on my feet. “Okay, so who the hell are you and how did you get in here?” No answer. “You know, usually when people magically appear infront of me they have something they want to say.” A small smile.

“I can see why you and Dean get along.” Whoa, hold up. 

“You what? How do you know that?”

“He cares about you.” His voice had gone soft. 

“You know the Winchesters?” 

“Yes.” 

“Again, who are you?” A moment of silence, and I was just about to crack another witty one liner when he answered. 

“I’m Castiel.” 

 

 

Sam POV

Something in the dark made him slip from deep sleep and unconsciously grab the gun under his pillow. Whatever it was kept pulling at him until he opened his eyes, ears on point and listening for it out in the hallway. A small bump, and what sounded like soft steps. Years of experience working in his favour, he smoothly and quietly got out of bed and stood by the door, gun in hand. Hearing the steps leave the hallway, heading toward the library, he carefully turned the handle and walked out, keeping his back against the wall. The library wasn’t far from his room, and he could clearly hear someone moving around in there. When the sound moved away from the doorway he peeked around the corner and saw… Jules? Donning pj’s and slippers, she was holding a flashlight up to the shelves with a concentrated look on her face. 

 

Contrary to Sam, and even Dean, she hadn’t spent much time in this room, and didn’t know it well at all. It seemed like she was checking every single shelf for whichever book it was she wanted to find. After about ten minutes of searching she heaved a great, slightly dramatic, sigh and turned to the drawers holding the index cards with information on almost every creature the Men of Letters had ever come across. Before she had the chance to even open the first drawer the was a flutter of wings and Cas appeared behind her. Sam immediately whipped back around the corner, knowing the angel would still most likely know he was there. Leaving seemed like the right thing to do here, but Sam wanted to know why Cas chose this moment to show himself, when he hadn’t answered either his or Dean’s prayers or phone calls for several days.

 

“You won’t find your answer in here.” A yelp and a crash led Sam to the conclusion that Cas had scared Jules bad enough that she’d tripped and dropped to the floor. 

“How do you know that?” 

“Because what you are is not something any hunter has ever heard of.” 

“And you have?” Cas, as per his usual MO, didn’t answer. Some shuffling and huffing could be heard as Jules got up from the floor. 

“Okay, so who the hell are you and how did you get in here?” Again, Cas chose to shut up. “You know, usually when people magically appear infront of me they have something they want to say.” Sam wanted to chuckle at her attitude toward an angel. Had this happened back when heaven was whole and Cas was still an obedient soldier, he or his colleagues might have sent an act of god her way for speaking like that.

“I can see why you and Dean get along.” Sam could too. 

“You what? How do you know that?” She was suspicious and wary. Who wouldn’t be?

“He cares about you.” Cas was speaking softly now, and Sam knew it was because of Dean’s actions and reactions when it came to Jules. Anger flared up when he realised that Cas had been watching them, but done nothing to help. 

“You know the Winchesters?” 

“Yes.” 

“Again, who are you?”

“I’m Castiel.” 

 

“… What’s a Castiel?” Jules the wise cracker. A very quiet snort came from behind Sam, and a quick glance and raising of his gun let him know Jules must’ve woken Dean up as well. Dean grinned and Sam gave him his most exasperated look. Really? No cough, nothing? Dick. 

 

Sam ignored his brother for now and turned his attention back to the conversation in the library. 

“I’m an angel of… I’m an angel.” Cas stumbled over the words.

 

 

Dean POV

Dean knew it hurt Cas to not feel the same connection to god and heaven that he used to, but to hear him stumble over his belonging cut deep. He knew he and Sam were partially, if not fully, responsible for Cas losing everything. Cas was part of the Winchester family, but he’d lived with another family for longer than mankind had existed. Dean hated that this had happened to Cas, hated that he’d been part of it, but he knew no way to fix it. Angels were so different from humans, and Cas so different from the other angels, that he didn’t understand them. And as for god… The little faith Dean had managed to work up over the years had been crushed when Chuck showed his true colours. At that point, after the let down on his part, he’d actually managed to work up a tiny shred of sympathy for the winged douchebags. 

 

Moment of feelings having passed, he tuned back into the conversation in the library. Cas had shown up to talk to Jules, and Dean wanted to know why. Did it have something to do with her powers?

 

“An angel? You mean you guys actually exist and don’t walked around half naked draped in sheets, flapping your wings like a trucker waves dollar bills at a backstreet stripper?” Okay, we’re going there. 

“No, we don’t…” Dean could perfectly picture the confusion on Cas’ face. “Yes, angels exist.” 

“Oh good. So what was it that you came here to tell me?” 

“I know you’ve grown fond of the Winchesters…”

“But…?”

“But I’m here to tell you that you have to leave.” What?

 

 

Jules POV

“What? Why?”

“Because your powers will only grow, and you could hurt them.” His words, and his confession of being an angel made me flash back to what I’d seen when I was passed out. Two sides, one light, one dark, fighting to get me first. Neither side necessarily good or evil, but wanting me for themselves, for very different reasons. 

“And let me guess, you want me to go with you.” 

“You need to be kept safe, away from the demons. They want you for their power, and they would be unstoppable if they got to you and managed to control you.” 

“Explain why I should trust you.” Before the, apparently _holy,_ tax accountant had a chance to answer I heard what sounded like a scuffle coming from the hallway outside the library. Fucking hell, they’d woken up. Casting one last look at Castiel, I turned my back on him and walked toward the noise. 

 

What I found was Sam holding Dean with his face against the wall, arm pulled up behind his back. Dean looked to be fighting to get free, and Sam’s arms were straining to keep him in place. 

“What the _fuck_?” They turned their heads and immediately froze. “What are you doing?” Dean stopped fighting and Sam released him.

“We could ask you the same thing, sweetheart.”

“Nuhuh, you first big boy.” He and Sam exchanged a look and I lost it. “None of that! No talking to each other through knowing looks and hints that only you two understand. Just tell me.”

“You woke us up when you went to the library, and we wanted to see what you were doing. You were hiding something from us.” 

“And that gives you the right to spy on me?” 

“Here, in the bunker, it does, sweetheart.” 

“And what about Castiel? Do you actually know him or were you waiting for the right time to kill an enemy who managed to get into the bunker?”

“What? Why would you think Cas is an enemy?” I choked and felt my face go pale. I hadn’t told them about my not-dream, and my consequent suspicions against the angel in the library. 

“How should I know? I don’t know him! And he just fucking _appeared_ behind me! What’s up with that?” Dean narrowed his eyes. Dammit, he _knew_ I was hiding something from him. Keeping my face as straight as possible I looked him straight in the eye. 

“Yeah, he does that…” Dean trailed off, still not quite believing me. I knew I had to tell him, I knew I needed help. Cas had said I wouldn’t find my answer in the bunker, and I had a feeling he was right. But he knew something, and I also had a feeling he wouldn’t be too quick to tell me. 

 

Dean turned his head toward the library, his face tensing up. He walked through the door and up to Castiel who was still standing there, still as a statue and watching us. 

“What the hell, Cas?”  
“Dean-”

“No, I want to know why we had to go through demons, a kidnapping and a supernatural coma and you still didn’t answer. But Jules doesn’t even have to call you for you to just show up.”

“Dean, you don’t understand-”

“Then explain it to me, Cas. Because we’ve been stumbling in the dark on this one and we really needed you.” 

 

I felt a hand on my arm and looked up at Sam. 

“We should go,” he said in a low voice, staring at his brother and Castiel.

“Why?”  
“Because this is personal for Dean, and he’ll tell you when he wants to.” I looked back at Dean and saw how his whole body was tensed up, like he was ready to attack the angel. I nodded and let Sam lead me away. 

 

 

Dean POV

Cas was quiet for several minutes as Dean waited for a satisfactory explanation. 

“… She’s not human, Dean.”

“Wow, thank you, Captain Freakin’ Obvious. I had no idea.”

“It’s bad, in more ways than you’ve seen before. And I think I know why she doesn’t trust me.” 

“Oh really? Enlighten me.” 

“Did Jules tell you what she saw and experienced while she was asleep?” 

“… She said she didn’t remember.” 

“Then she’s lying.”  
“What the hell, Cas? Why would she do that?”

“Because she doesn’t want you to run from her. She doesn’t know what she is, but I think she’s starting to suspect.”

“What is she?”

“You need to know that both heaven and hell will come for her, she’s not safe here, and you’re not safe with her.”

“ _What_ is she, Cas?!” Dean was twitching by now, wanting to grab Cas and shake his feathery ass.

“Something we haven’t seen since the dawn of angels and demons.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’m writing this late at night when I should be sleeping. I had a fight with my mother, and I’m suffering from lonely-pining-for-someone-heart syndrome and my heart goes BLIP whenever I see a car that even remotely resembles his and it’s just a lot of emotions right now. And I’m about as good at dealing with them as Dean is.


	13. This is the life, it's do or die

_Previously_

_“What is she?”_

_“You need to know that both heaven and hell will come for her, she’s not safe here, and you’re not safe with her.”_

_“_ What _is she, Cas?!” Dean was twitching by now, wanting to grab Cas and shake his feathery ass._

_“Something we haven’t seen since the dawn of angels and demons.”_

 

 

Dean POV

“… What the hell is that supposed to mean?!”

“What did you see just before she woke up? What made you run from her?” Dean fell silent. The vision of the wings and horns showing up around… _on_ Jules was something he was trying hard to not think about. It wasn’t something he _wanted_ to think about, but instead wanted to forget. He knew it had something to do with her powers, and her powers, whatever they were, scared him. Now Cas was here infront of him, knowing the answer and wanting to give it to him. Just in a way that was anything but direct.

“I saw… Wings. Wings and horns. They showed up around her, made of this weird shine, like it was light and dark at the same time…” Cas gave him one of his patented looks, one that Dean knew well. 

“What is she, Cas?” Dean’s tone had dropped to a desperate whisper. 

 

Dean walked out of the library in a confused rage. He didn’t know why the answer to his question had pissed him off like it did, it’s not like it was anyone’s fault, least of all Jules or Cas. But Dean needed something to be pissed at, so he was. Coming out of the library he walked right into his brother, who caught him by the arm, making him stop. 

“Dean?” A frown creased Sam’s brow. “What’s wrong?”

“Do you know?” Dean could hear the edge of crazy in his voice. “Do you know what she is? Because I didn’t. I had no idea. But she is.”

“What are you talking about?” Sam’s hand had dropped from his arm, and Dean felt like his anchor had left him. He needed Sam in this, needed his brother to find a solution, like this was any other hunt. Except it wasn’t.

“Cas told me what she is, what gives her these… powers.” The look on Sam’s face told Dean that his brother already knew it was something to be filed under the “worst thing we can imagine” column. “She’s… The reason the demons, and apparently also the angels, are after her, is because she’s a descendant of both sides.”

“What the hell does that mean?” 

“Centuries ago both a nephilim and a cambion… _mated_ , with humans. Their powers were ‘watered down’, dormant in their human descendants. The bloodlines met in Jules. She has angel and demon blood in her, Sam.” Dean felt hopeless. How the fuck could they beat this? 

 

Sam looked like he was about to open his mouth when suddenly Dean’s phone rang. He took it from his pocket, ready to throw it against a wall, because what could possibly be more important right now? Sam caught his hand, taking the phone. 

 

 

Sam POV

When he saw the name on the screen Sam wanted to do what Dean had meant to. Y/N’s name was like a punch right in the gut. Swallowing any remaining resolve he might have had, Sam answered and held the phone up to his ear.

“Y/N?” 

“Open the door, let me in!”

“Whoa, hold up. What’s going on?” 

“Not the time, Winchester! Open the fucking door and let me in. Crowley’s on my ass and if he catches up I’m done for.” The call cut out and Sam stood frozen for all of two seconds before turning on a dime and bolting through the bunker to get to the door. He wrenched it open and Y/N tumbled inside, falling flat on the floor, like she’d been using any and all bodily force she could to get the door open from the outside. Sam slammed the door behind her, sealing up the bunker with every ward it had, and knelt by her side. Peeling her face off the stone floor she looked up at Sam, and both of them went still. 

“Sam…” 

“What the hell is going on?!” Dean bellowed from the main floor. He’d followed Sam to the war room and seen him go for the door at breakneck speed. Sam stood, reaching out a hand to pull Y/N to her feet. 

“I’d like to know too. Why is Crowley after you?”

“ _Crowley_? You brought Crowley to the bunker?” 

“Oh believe me, if could’ve avoided it I would. Good to see you too, Dean.” 

“Enough!” Dean pulled his gun and aimed it right at Y/N’s head. “I’m done with the cryptic non-answers. You’re gonna tell us exactly what’s going on or I swear this time I’m gonna pull the trigger.” _This_ time?

 

Sam wanted to step between Y/N and his brother, but the look on Dean’s face told him there was only one way Y/N was getting out of this alive. Dean had reached the end of his tether, so Y/N better start talking because Sam didn’t doubt Dean would keep his word. 

 

 

Reader POV

This had been your very last resort. Every sane thought in your head told you to stay away from the bunker and the Winchesters, but circumstance had forced your hand. Taking a deep breath, you started talking.

“When I left a year ago I told you I had to take care of my family’s organisation on my own. And I thought I could. I found the base, found out everything I could about it. But it was too big. I refused to call you because risking your lives again was something I promised I’d never let happen. I was out of options, and decided to make a deal. Crowley was all to willing-”  
“You sold your soul? Your fucking _soul_? Do you have any idea what that means?”

“No, Dean, I did not sell my soul. I sold my services. Crowley, apparently, had been watching me for a while. Remember the demon at the motel? That was one of his.”

 

Dean’s face lost some of the previous anger, but you could tell he was still a twitch away from firing, and the gun was still aimed at your head. 

“Crowley offered to take care of the organisation, with proof that it was completely dismantled. In exchange, he asked that I work for him. That’s why I was on the case where Jules was kidnapped. That’s why I didn’t come back. He said that should I ever run into you again your lives depended on my silence. 

 

“I knew he wanted Jules, but I didn’t know what for. I knew why so many people were being killed by demons, and why it had such a specific pattern. Crowley was working a heavy weight ritual, and he needed Jules to complete it. His plan still depends on catching her alive and get her on his side.” Dean’s mask was cracking around the edges. It looked like he wanted to believe you, but your betrayal had hit him hard. You turned and looked at Sam, who looked so broken hearing your story, why you’d stayed away from him. It broke whatever heart you had left to see tears running down his cheeks. 

“I swear,” you said, turning back to Dean. “I have no idea what Jules is, or even what Crowley’s plan entails. He knew all along that I wasn’t on his side, but that I didn’t have a choice. He said if I betrayed him he would get custody of my soul. Permanently. So I was never told the good stuff.”  
“And when Jules was kidnapped? You ‘helped’ her.” 

“I did what I could under the radar, though now I suspect he knew what I was doing. I hate that I had to try to keep her away from you, because if anyone could keep her safe, it would be you. But with all those demons after her, and her powers… I couldn’t risk you and Sam.” Saying his name made you turn your head again and look at Sam. You wanted nothing more than to wrap yourself around him and never let go. 

“It’s not good enough,” Dean growled. “It’s not enough, you should’ve done more, you should’ve told us sooner.” 

 

Just when you were sure he was actually going to kill you, Jules burst into the room and, to your utter shock, stopped right in Dean’s line of fire. The look on Dean’s face right then… Utter terror. He dropped the gun and stumbled back. 

“Jules…”  
“Calm down, Dean.” She held her hands up, showing him she was unarmed. You just now realised how unhinged Dean really was, and how dangerous. You went to run down the stairs to make sure Jules wouldn’t get hurt, but a hand on your shoulder held you back. 

“Wait,” Sam said. “Just watch.” 

 

Jules slowly walked up to Dean, who didn’t move an inch, just stood there and looked Jules in the eye. When she was close enough she brought her hands up to his face, holding it gently. It was like a curtain rose from his face. The anguish and rage lifted, and he stepped forward, grabbing hold of Jules anywhere he could, as if he were anchoring himself. Dean’s whole body was shaking, but all that seemed to matter was the girl in his arms. 

 

 

Dean POV

“Y/N? Whoa, hold up. What’s going on?” Sam’s face paled and he took off running. Dean followed close behind and saw Sam bolt up the stairs in the war room and rip the door open. In fell Y/N. To Dean’s joy, however small, she landed flat on her face. But that small joy was quickly overshadowed by anger. Her witty one liners became the last straw and just like last time, Dean pulled his gun and aimed at her head. 

 

Her explanation, about how she’d ended up working for Crowley, practically his bitch, and how she’d known nothing about Jules, did little to assuage Dean’s rage at her. She couldn’t risk him and Sam? Didn’t she understand how important Jules was? Y/N said herself that Jules was the safest with the brothers, so why the fuck did she try to keep her away?

 

“It’s not good enough.” Dean felt his body shaking with the strain of holding back. “It’s not enough, you should’ve done more, you should’ve told us sooner.”

 

Dean had just reached the point were he was ready to fire when Jules appeared in his line of sight down the barrel of the gun. The sheer and utter dread that filled him was indescribable, and he dropped the gun like it had suddenly become burning hot. He didn’t register how Y/N tried to run down the stairs, or how Sam held her back. All he saw was Jules, hands held placatingly infront of her. 

“Jules…” 

“Calm down, Dean.” She came closer, her hands gently landing on his cheeks, and every weight on his shoulders lifted. He reached out, taking hold of any part of her he could. She was there with him, which was all that mattered. 

 

 

Jules POV

After Sam had led me away I’d gone to my room, defying every instinct telling me to stick around to eavesdrop. This was serious, and I decided to trust Sam. Dean clearly knew Castiel, they had history, and this was something he had to deal with without an audience. It killed me a bit, because I knew that the angel held the answers I needed. But everything I’d been through had given me more… wisdom, you might call it. Given time, I’d learn what I needed to know. 

 

Sitting on my bed I suddenly felt absolutely crushing anger, anguish and betrayal. It completely gutted me, and I fell to the floor in a heap. The feelings consumed me, so much so that I was almost convinced they were mine. With immense effort, I managed to separate myself from the storm of emotions, and got up from the floor. 

“Dean!” I gasped. He was in so much pain. My feet started to run before I’d even realised where I had to go. They led me to the war room, and I only had a moment to take in the scene before me. Dean was aiming his gun at… Y/N? His face told me he was one twitch away from snapping, and I followed the first thought that popped into my head. 

 

Not stopping to consider what I was doing, I ran to the middle of the room, putting myself between Dean and his target. His reaction was instant, and he dropped the gun. 

“Jules…” I held my hands out, trying to show him I wasn’t dangerous.

“Calm down, Dean.” He stumbled backwards, in shock at almost having shot me. I walked forward, barely noticing how Y/N, in concern, went to go down the stairs to the main floor to stop me from getting to Dean, or how Sam stopped her. My focus was on the man infront of me. When I reached him I cupped his face in my hands, looking into his eyes. As soon as I touched him his hands flew up and gripped me tight enough to bruise. I didn’t care one bit. Dean was here with me, which was all that mattered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m curious, did anyone catch the reference in the previous chapter title? If you did, kudos to you :P So what do you think about Jules? A long way from the naive little girl she was when Sam and Dean first met her, ain’t she? Let me know what you think of this chapter! :D


End file.
